McSweeneys Title Generator

FUCKING SILVER BEADS AS TOLD BY JOHN HANCOCK ON THE EVE OF INVENTION OF THE BLOG

THE RED APE AS TOLD BY JANE GOODALL ON THE EVE OF KRAKATOA

ADVENTURES IN FLIPMODE AS TOLD BY CARLOS CASTANEDA ON THE EVE OF THE BEHEADING OF ANNE BOLEYN

PINPINICO GURGURRICO AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF CONCERT

REVELATION ISLAND AS TOLD BY JESUS CHRIST ON THE EVE OF FLOOD

OUR HERO AS TOLD BY BERNARDINE DOHRN ON THE EVE OF ELECTION YEAR 1976

BREASTS IN THE UNDERBRUSH AS TOLD BY NELSON MANDELA ON THE EVE OF WAR OF 1812

THE END OF THE BEGINNING AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF EXPLOSION OF THE CHALLENGER

CHEESE IS GOOD AS TOLD BY NIXON ON THE EVE OF THE BOMBING OF THE US COLE

UNDER THE CAR AS TOLD BY JOHN ELWAY ON THE EVE OF SUPER BOWL 21

HOPPING ON ONE FOOT AS TOLD BY HITLER ON THE EVE OF LABOR DAY

BUILDING THE FENCE AS TOLD BY STEINBECK ON THE EVE OF THE TEAPOT DOME SCANDAL

THE LAST OF THE LANGDONS AS TOLD BY ELVIS PRESLEY ON THE EVE OF THE ASSASINATION OF JFK

DIRTYCHARLIE! THE MAGAZINE! AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE 80S

PIE COBBLER AS TOLD BY WADE BOGGS ON THE EVE OF ST CRISPIN'S DAY

LYING AND LOSING AS TOLD BY CHUCK NORRIS ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR II

THE PACIFIST AS TOLD BY GEORGE CLOONEY ON THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS

READ THIS FIRST AS TOLD BY ALEXANDER ON THE EVE OF MOON LANDING

BLACK AND WHITE: LEARNING TO UNDERSTAND AS TOLD BY CONAN O'BRIEN ON THE EVE OF GULF WAR

EARTH, FIRE AND ICE AS TOLD BY BRITNEY SPEARS ON THE EVE OF BIG BANG

MICHAEL'S REMARKS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL KALINA ON THE EVE OF BIRTHDAY

EDGAR'S HEAD IN THE CLOUDS AS TOLD BY AUDREY HEPBURN ON THE EVE OF WOODSTOCK

THE HISTORY OF LOVE AS TOLD BY PRINCESS DIANA ON THE EVE OF THE HOLOCAUST

FIVE LAKES SUMMER AS TOLD BY JIM MORRISON ON THE EVE OF THE MOON LANDING

JULIE'S PAGE AS TOLD BY RUMI THE SUFI POET ON THE EVE OF INVENTION OF THE ELEVATOR

A TALE OF DISASTER AS TOLD BY PUNKY BREWSTER ON THE EVE OF THE BAY OF PIGS

THE BLEAK LIFE EXPERIMENT AS TOLD BY STONEWALL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF WATERGATE

THE TALE OF AMY'S SAD DEMISE AS TOLD BY A PSYCHOPATHIC BUT DASHINGLY HANDSOME BOY BY THE NAME OF DANIEL ON THE EVE OF THE GREAT ZOMBIE MARCH

KYLE AS TOLD BY BANKS ON THE EVE OF GLADIATOR

OPERATION CODE 90 AS TOLD BY OPCODE90 ON THE EVE OF FINAL SOLUTION

COLLUSION AND CONTUMACY AS TOLD BY VIDKUN QUISLING ON THE EVE OF GERMAN OCCUPATION OF NORWAY

ARMCHAIR ENGINEERING DISASTERS (PART II) AS TOLD BY SNUFFALUFAGUS ON THE EVE OF THE INVENTION OF THE FORTUNE COOKIE

A NIGHT OUT AS TOLD BY PARIS HILTON ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF THE BULGE

THE FALL OF THE MASADA AS TOLD BY JAMES BROWN ON THE EVE OF D-DAY

MELTING PROPERTIES OF OBSIDIAN AS TOLD BY JAMES HETFIELD ON THE EVE OF THE DIASPORA

OBSIDIAN AS TOLD BY JAMES HETFIELD ON THE EVE OF DIASPORA

A FEAST FOR DOGS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR 2

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY CAT AS TOLD BY STING ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF HASTINGS

MR MCSPANKY AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF REINASSANCE

THE TESTICLES EXPERIMENT AS TOLD BY BONO FROM U2 ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF AGINCOURT

WHAT HAPPENED? AS TOLD BY QUEEN MARY ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF WATERLOO

THE LIFE AND TIME OF ST MICHAEL AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF 911

WEELIANG AS TOLD BY WILLIAM ON THE EVE OF TWIN TOWER

KNIGHT AS TOLD BY ANAKIN ON THE EVE OF CLONE WARS

GOOGLE ADSENSE REVENUES AS TOLD BY NELSON ON THE EVE OF END OF THE WORLD

'KILLING THE ENEMY' AS TOLD BY JESUS CHRIST ON THE EVE OF ARMAGEDDON

THE TRUTH AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF EL-ALAMEIN

THE BIRTH OF CINEMA AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

WHY TO DROP THE BOMB AS TOLD BY PRESIDENT TRUMAN ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR TWO

RAY TRACE AS TOLD BY NIKOLA TESLA ON THE EVE OF MARATHON BATTLE

WHY WE SHOULD BE BUYING WATER IN BULK AS TOLD BY LEO SAYER ON THE EVE OF THE BIG BANG

THE NATURAL HISTORY OF A RUBBERBAND BALL AS TOLD BY JACK KEROUAC ON THE EVE OF THE GOLD RUSH

THE SILENT FIGHT AS TOLD BY JACK DANIELS ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

CINDERBLOCK BOOKSHELVES AS TOLD BY BILLY JACK ON THE EVE OF BOBBY KENNEDY'S ASSASSINATION

MY HAPPYROBOT WEBSITE AS TOLD BY GEORGE WASHINGTON ON THE EVE OF MY 36TH BIRTHDAY

THE LADY EXPOSED HER GAMS AS TOLD BY RONNIE MILSAP ON THE EVE OF CHERNOBYL

ANCIENT HEROS AS TOLD BY OJ SIMPSON ON THE EVE OF HOLOCAUST

LA ALBERCA : A TIMEWARP VILLAGE AS TOLD BY LUIS BUNUEL ON THE EVE OF THE REVOLUTION

LIFE AND TIMES AS TOLD BY IGGY POP ON THE EVE OF HINDENBURG DISASTER

SHOOTING BLANKS AS TOLD BY AVA JANSEN ON THE EVE OF MURDER

THE ESSENCE OF A CHUCK AS TOLD BY CHUCK TAYLOR ON THE EVE OF HOLOCAUST

THE BIBLE AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF HURRICANE KATRINA

ART KIDS AS TOLD BY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF BORN IN THE SUMMER OF LOVE

ALL OF HER TWISTS AS TOLD BY STAN 'THE MAN' LEE ON THE EVE OF THE F-WORD'S LONG-AWAITED TELEVISION DEBUT

MY AWESOME DAY AS TOLD BY ADAM DURITZ ON THE EVE OF THE BAY OF PIGS INVASION

M*A*SH AS TOLD BY ALAN ALDA ON THE EVE OF KOREAN WAR

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN AMERICAN AS TOLD BY GEORGE WASHINGTON ON THE EVE OF THE REVOLUTION

FUCK ME AS TOLD BY SKATEBOARDING ON THE EVE OF POOP

IN SEARCH OF LOST TIME AS TOLD BY JOAN COLLINS ON THE EVE OF THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC

MR MITCHELL NOLAND AS TOLD BY FLAVA FLAV ON THE EVE OF MOON LANDING

SUNDRIED TOMATOES ARE EVIL AS TOLD BY NAPOLEON ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

AUDACIOUS HARMONICA SOLOS AS TOLD BY BABE RUTH ON THE EVE OF JOHN LENNON'S ASSASSINATION

STOPPING THE LIBERAL TIDE AS TOLD BY TOM DELAY ON THE EVE OF CUSTER'S LAST STAND

THE REDNECKED GIRL AT THE ROADSIDE REST AS TOLD BY HANK WILLIAMS ON THE EVE OF THE DUST BOWL

FUCKING IN THE WESTERN CANNON AS TOLD BY DAVID BOWIE ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF HASTINGS

OH BABY AS TOLD BY OLIVER WENDALL HOLMES ON THE EVE OF RED SOX WIN THE 2004 WORLD SERIES

JOHN AS TOLD BY HENDRIX ON THE EVE OF WOODSTOCK

JOSH HUDSON AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF HOLOCAUST

SUCH A COMFORYABLE FACE DEAR AS TOLD BY JAMES DEAN ON THE EVE OF CIVIL WAR

TUBESTEAK SMOTHERED IN UNDERWEAR AS TOLD BY HUGH GRANT ON THE EVE OF THE DAY HE GOT BUSTED FOR THAT HOOKER SCANDAL

EVIL AS TOLD BY PRINCE ON THE EVE OF D-DAY

SEX GOD AS TOLD BY EMPEROR MAXIMILIAN ON THE EVE OF FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL

HELLO AS TOLD BY EINSTEIN ON THE EVE OF ALAMO

LADIES DAY AS TOLD BY GRAHAM MADEG ON THE EVE OF THE OLYMPICS

THE ROLE OF AMERICAN WRITERS IN SOCIETY AS TOLD BY JAMES BALDWIN ON THE EVE OF 9-11-01

PIECES OF A PUZZLE AS TOLD BY BARRY MANILOW ON THE EVE OF D-DAY

THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY PANTS AS TOLD BY ZADIE SMITH TO DON KNOTTS ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF KING'S MOUNTAIN

FREAKS & GRACES AS TOLD BY ANDREW JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE CHICAGO FIRE

SEVERUS' ADVENTURE IN CLOSET LAND AS TOLD BY SIRIUS BLACK ON THE EVE OF THE SHRIEKING SHACK

GREG VASSAR AS TOLD BY MICHEAL ON THE EVE OF POO DAY

MY BEAUTIFUL BOOK OF SHORT STORIES AS TOLD BY FRANK SINATRA ON THE EVE OF HIS GRADUATION

AN ANGEL HUMMED TO ME AS TOLD BY FREDDY PRINZE JR ON THE EVE OF MY BIRTHDAY

THE SPAZTIC PENGUINS AS TOLD BY GEORGE BUSH ON THE EVE OF THE FIRST WORLD WAR

HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS AS TOLD BY MADONNA ON THE EVE OF WATERGATE

WHY DO DUCKS FLOAT? AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF WATERLOO

THE CIRCUITOUS TYPIST AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF WITH A DISCOVER CARD AS TOLD BY LOU FERRIGNO ON THE EVE OF THE YALTA CONFERENCE

FUNNY HA-HA AS TOLD BY GEORGE MICHAEL ON THE EVE OF GAY PRIDE PARADE

UNEXPECTED PLEASURES AS TOLD BY PRINCE GRIGORY POTEMKIN ON THE EVE OF FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL

LIVING WITH WOMEN AS TOLD BY EDGAR ALLEN POE ON THE EVE OF FLAG DAY

MONTREAL IN NOVEMBER AS TOLD BY IGGY POP ON THE EVE OF 9/11

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE VEGAN SOUL AS TOLD BY RONDO HATTON ON THE EVE OF THE PASSING OF THE TAFT-HARTLEY ACT

KOALA BEAR'S SOCIAL LIFE AS TOLD BY NED KELLY ON THE EVE OF THE GREAT EUCALYPTUS EATING COMPETITION OF 2003

THE LACKSADAISICAL PARROT AS TOLD BY WINSTON CHURCHILL ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

ROMEO AND JULIET AS TOLD BY RAY ROMANO ON THE EVE OF THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION OF 1968

BABUR'S IDIOSYNCRATIC WRITING AS TOLD BY MADONNA ON THE EVE OF THE SEIGE OF THE BASTILLE

ME AND WORD AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF GREAT CHICAGO FIRE

PALINDROME AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO

DON'T LET YOUR CRUTCHES WEAR OUT YOUR ARMPIT NERVES AS TOLD BY DJUNA BARNES ON THE EVE OF CARNIVALE

CRANBERRY APPLE JUICE AS TOLD BY LOU REED ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF THE BULGE

INTERESTING PORNO PHILOSOPHY AS TOLD BY SPANDAU BALLET ON THE EVE OF THE MOONING OF MICHAEL JACKSON BY JARVIS COCKER

TIM'S BRILLIANT TURTLE AS TOLD BY SALMAN RUSHDIE ON THE EVE OF KENTUCKY DERBY

TELL ME HOW TO EAT MY FACE AS TOLD BY DONALD WAHLBERG ON THE EVE OF THE INSURRECTION

ACCOUNTING FOR EVERYTHING AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF HIROSHIMA

SUBURBAN LEGENDS AS TOLD BY OSCAR WILDE ON THE EVE OF THE CRUCIFIXION OF CHRIST

ON THE MERITS OF CAPITAL INVESTMENT AS TOLD BY ALF ON THE EVE OF THE TREATY OF TORSEDILLAS

REJECTED TITLES FOR SIGUR ROS SONGS AS TOLD BY JOHN SHAFT ON THE EVE OF THAT DAY LAST YEAR WHEN NOTHING HAPPENED

THINGS HAVE A WAY AS TOLD BY LARRY RIVERS ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF EVERMORE

PUDDING ON A DUCK AS TOLD BY ANDREW JACKSON ON THE EVE OF DEATH

PRIVATE LIVES AS TOLD BY ELEANOR ROOSEVELT ON THE EVE OF TENNIS COURT OATH

THE K-HOLE AS TOLD BY CELINE DION ON THE EVE OF THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL

HOW TO GET AHEAD IN COSTUME DESIGN AS TOLD BY JANET JACKSON AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ON THE EVE OF SUPERBOWL 2004

MORNING OF THE CHERRY BLOSSOM OPENING IN KYOTO, JAPAN AS TOLD BY JULIUS CAESER AS PLAYED BY TOM HANKS ON THE EVE OF THE FINAL SCENE IN BONNIE AND CLYDE WHEN THEY GET SHOT

A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS AS TOLD BY JESSICA SIMPSON ON THE EVE OF WATERGATE

MOUSTACHE RIDES - FIFTY CENTS AS TOLD BY CHUCK YEAGER ON THE EVE OF SUPERBOWL XII

PLENTY OF HOT CHICKS GO OUT WITH LOSERS AS TOLD BY GERMAIN GREER ON THE EVE OF THE DISCOVERY OF RADIUM

AN THEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING SICK AS TOLD BY THAT GUY WHO SMASHED MY BACK END TAIL LIGHT ON THE EVE OF MY BIRTHDAY

THE HOLY BIBLE AS TOLD BY JAMES 'GUNSMOKE' ARNESS ON THE EVE OF THE DEMOLITION OF EBBETS FIELD

THE GODFATHER RETURNS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL CORLEONE ON THE EVE OF THE ASSASSINATION OF THE PRESIDENT

UM, I'M NOT SURE AS TOLD BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF I ATE MY SPINACH

FIVE YEARS GONE AS TOLD BY JOHNNY ROTTEN ON THE EVE OF THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL

STEPHEN MYERS GRADUATED FROM YORK UNIVERSITY, TORONTO, CANADA WITH A DEGREE IN ENGLISH LITERATURE AND COMMUNICATION STUDIES IN THIS YEAR OF OUR LORD 2003 AS TOLD BY TONY CLEMENT ON THE EVE OF OUSTERS AND PERNICIOUS BACKSTABBING

ANDY WARHOL'S SERIAL PHOTOGRAPHY AS TOLD BY WILLIAM GANIS ON THE EVE OF SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

MUTTER BIRTHDAY AS TOLD BY CHENG AND ENG ON THE EVE OF MAYFLOWER COMPACT SIGNING

SHEDDING GRACE AS TOLD BY CARL SAGAN ON THE EVE OF VIETNAM

AS TOLD BY AS TOLD BY AS TOLD BY ON THE EVE OF ON THE EVE OF ON THE EVE OF

THE ONE THAT BROUGHT YOU AS TOLD BY CAPTAIN YOSSARIAN ON THE EVE OF THE WORLD'S FAIR

MODERN PLUTONIUM ENRICHMENT TECHNIQUES AS TOLD BY BETTE MIDLER ON THE EVE OF THE JANET JACKSON BOOBIE EXPOSURE

SATISFACTION AS TOLD BY SAUL ALINSKY ON THE EVE OF STONEWALL RIOTS

THE HARPSICORD AS TOLD BY STONEWALL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE STORMING OF THE BASTILLE

MY DJ AS TOLD BY JOHN ADAMS ON THE EVE OF D-DAY

CHIMPS VS HELEN HUNT AS TOLD BY POROUS WALKER ON THE EVE OF CANADA DAY 2004

DATA ENTRY KEYER AS TOLD BY DAVID BOWIE ON THE EVE OF THE PARIS COMMUNE

EDDIE BOWEY AS TOLD BY DAVY KROKKETT ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF TONY'S PASS

ALBERT CHEN AS TOLD BY KIM JONG IL ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF 1942

NETWORK ENGINEER AS TOLD BY BRITTNEY SPEARS ON THE EVE OF LOLLIPOLOOZA

SUMMER FUN AS TOLD BY DAUGHTER ON THE EVE OF SUMMER CAMP

FAIRIES FANTASY AND FASHION AS TOLD BY TINKERBELL ON THE EVE OF END OF MIDDLE EARTH

CAREFULLY, I DIED AS TOLD BY TEX RITTER ON THE EVE OF OKTOBERFEST

HIKING, CLICHES, AND OTHER SOMETIMES-FUN THINGS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR

COMUNICATION DESIGNER AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF SEPTEMBER 11

STAR-GAZER AS TOLD BY ICARUS ON THE EVE OF

SATURDAY IN THE PARK AS TOLD BY HITLER ON THE EVE OF CHER

THE BROTHERS KARAMOZOV AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE DOT-COM FALLOUT

WAR AND PEACE AS TOLD BY STING ON THE EVE OF THE PELOPENYSSIAN WAR

THE DAY OF MUSIC AS TOLD BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF HINDENBURGH DISASTER

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS AS TOLD BY YOUR MOTHER ON THE EVE OF SAINT SWITHIN'S DAY

DOG YEARS AS TOLD BY MANDY PATINKIN ON THE EVE OF WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE

BORON IN WATER SUPPLY AS TOLD BY PAUL RUBENS ON THE EVE OF SPANISH CIVIL WAR

MOUNTAIN SPRING WATER AS TOLD BY BRIAN ENO ON THE EVE OF RERELEASE OF STAR WARS

LENTIL SOUP AS TOLD BY LORD NELSON ON THE EVE OF WOODSTOCK

BODILY HARM AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE FOURTH OF JULY

THE LENGTHY SODOMIZING OF SIR NEELY OF HAMILTON AS TOLD BY MAXTONE WITHERBALLS ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR PI

BIG FISH ATTACKS BOY IN TOILET AS TOLD BY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ON THE EVE OF TIMBERLAKE BEING PUNK'D

NENDATREM AS TOLD BY JESUS CHRIST ON THE EVE OF JUDGEMENT DAY

UNDER ANOTHER BLUE SKY AS TOLD BY GEORGE WASHINGTON ON THE EVE OF THE WORLD SERIES

US AND JAPANESE MANUFACTURED SPORTS CARS AS TOLD BY TOM PAINE ON THE EVE OF INFILTRATION OF THE BAY OF PIGS

THE HOLLOW HALLS OF FAULKNER'S FICTION AS TOLD BY PAUL REVERE ON THE EVE OF RITES OF SPRING

GIN, I LIKE IT AS TOLD BY JOHN 'COUGAR' MELLENCAMP ON THE EVE OF WAR OF 1812

MEMOIRS AS TOLD BY JOHN GLENN ON THE EVE OF THE APOCALYPSE

HOW TO SELL GRASSCLIPPINGS ON THE INTERNET AS TOLD BY HARRY HOUDINI ON THE EVE OF THE GREAT BLACK OUT

MISS AS TOLD BY ANNE BOYELIN ON THE EVE OF WOODSTOCK

CURRENTLY UNTITLED AS TOLD BY LANCE BASS ON THE EVE OF 9/11

ALL OUR BIRTHDAYS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL CORLEONE ON THE EVE OF OPERATION MARKET GARDEN

BORDERTOWN RECORDS AS TOLD BY COMPILATION ON THE EVE OF ROCK

TINO'S WAR AS TOLD BY GENERAL PATON ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR II

PENANCE! AS TOLD BY JOAN OF ARC ON THE EVE OF THE MOMENT GORBACHEV KVETCHED

US FOREIGN POLICY AS UGLY AS TOLD BY LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF VIETNAM

MY LIFE AS TOLD BY ELVIS, THE KING ON THE EVE OF MISS AMERICA PAGEANT

HAPPILY NEVER AFTER AS TOLD BY SOJOURNER TRUTH ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

BUTTERFLY TRACTORPULL AS TOLD BY ANDREW JACKSON ON THE EVE OF WAR OF 1812

ENGLILSH PAPER AS TOLD BY KYLE 'THE YELLOW DART' SMITH ON THE EVE OF THE BIRTH OF WWWHOMESTARRUNNERCOM

ANTIQUE COLLECTING FOR DUMMIES AS TOLD BY THE EMPEROR OF JAPAN ON THE EVE OF THE INVENTION OF THE FIRST ROCKET PROPELLED AIRCRAFT

'MISUNDERESTIMATING' AS TOLD BY GEORGE W BUSH ON THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS EVE

WHAT DO TO IN THE FACE OF DEATH AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF WW2

LIVING HISTORY AS TOLD BY HILLARY CLINTON ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

BEER FOR HEALTH AS TOLD BY THAT GUY WHOSE EAR WAS IN FRONT OF GWB'S MEGAPHONE AT GROUND ZERO ON THE EVE OF CINCO DE MAYO

GOING TO THE CIRCUS AS TOLD BY LENNY BRUCE ON THE EVE OF VALENTINE'S DAY

WHAM AS TOLD BY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR III

GONE WITH THE WIND AS TOLD BY GEORGE CLINTON AND THE PARLAIMENT FUNKADELIC ON THE EVE OF 2002 TONY AWARDS

MY BIG DEAL AS TOLD BY CLAY DEMUPPENDOWN ON THE EVE OF BALEARIC WARS

BEDTIME STORIES FOR INSOMNIACS AS TOLD BY NOTHINGHEAD ON THE EVE OF THE INCIDENT

SHADOW'S END AS TOLD BY HELIOGABALOUS ON THE EVE OF THE LOS ANGELES RIOTS

NARCISSUS- A LOVE STORY, OR HOW I LEARNED HOW TO TUNEOUT OTHER'S INCESSANT BABBLE AS TOLD BY THE GUY WHO'S SISTER WENT TO SCHOOL WITH ONE OF THE GUYS FROM 'SAVED BY THE BELL'(NOT THE GEEKY ONE) ON THE EVE OF THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY WHEN YOU ASKED ME WHAT TIME IT WAS AND I DIDN'T RESPOND

I CUBE AS TOLD BY CUBIK ON THE EVE OF YEAH

THE DAY THE DISHES TOOK OVER AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF LAKE PLACID 1980

AS TOLD BY AS TOLD BY EVE ON THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS EVE

A FLY ON THE WALL AS TOLD BY MACGYVER ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

ATMOSPHERIC SUBJUGATION AS TOLD BY JFK ON THE EVE OF ARMAGEDDEON

SQUEEZING BOOBS AS TOLD BY FIDEL CASTRO ON THE EVE OF BAY OF PIGS

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT AS TOLD BY EDGAR ALLEN POE ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

BUT I WANT IT!!!!! AS TOLD BY GEORGE BUSH ON THE EVE OF ELECTION

ISN'T THERE A BRIDGE AS TOLD BY J LO, AL GORE, WHOOPI GOLDBERG, AND DENNIS RODMAN ON THE EVE OF PEARL HARBOR

THE LIFE OF A VETERNARIAN AS TOLD BY JOHN HOLMES ON THE EVE OF HINDENBERG

TOTAL INFORMATION REMEMBERED AS TOLD BY ADMIRAL POINDEXTER ON THE EVE OF WORLD PEACE CONFERENCE

FECKLESS AS TOLD BY KING HEROD ON THE EVE OF FALKLANDS WAR

DEFINITION OF STRANGE AS TOLD BY ANNA NICOLE SMITH ON THE EVE OF SURGERY

PRETTY COOL AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF INDEPENDENCE DAY

WHY THINGS POOP AS TOLD BY ALEXANDER HAMILTON ON THE EVE OF Y2K

EULOGY AS TOLD BY AUDREY HEPBURN ON THE EVE OF HIROSHIMA

A QUESTION OF JUSTICE AS TOLD BY MARY LOU RETTON ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF GETTYSBURG

MR AS TOLD BY LEE ON THE EVE OF MASSACRE

MORE MONEY AS TOLD BY OSAMA BIN LADEN AND GEORGE W BUSH ON THE EVE OF THE FRANCO-PRUSSIAN WAR

IM PREZZIDENT! AS TOLD BY W ON THE EVE OF MYE CORRONATIN

CUM IN MARGARET THATCHER'S CLAM CHOWDER AS TOLD BY TYLER DURDEN ON THE EVE OF REAGEN'S RE-ELECTION

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION AS TOLD BY TRENT REZNOR ON THE EVE OF THE MOON LANDING

LIKE YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU THAT MICHAEL JACKSON IS A BIG FUCKIN' FREAK AS TOLD BY KURT COBAIN ON THE EVE OF THE FALL OF THE SOVIET UNION

THE SHELTERING SKY AS TOLD BY MARKIE MARK ON THE EVE OF THE DAY I ACCIDENTALLY GOT PREGNANT

FINGER FOOD AS TOLD BY PAUL 'THE DUCK' SPENCER ON THE EVE OF THE END OF THE BEGINNING

OJ FOUND GUILTY AS TOLD BY HO CHI MINH ON THE EVE OF THE FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL

HAPPINESS IS A WARBLING NUN, OR HOW I SOLD THE REAL MONA LISA AS TOLD BY POPE PIUS XII ON THE EVE OF DEF LEPARD'S LAST-EVER PERFORMANCE OF 'ARMAGEDDON IT'

YOU SHALL KNOW OUR VELOCITY AS TOLD BY WINSTON CHURCHILL ON THE EVE OF THE WORLD'S FIRST HEADPHONE CONCERTS

UNTITLED_1 AS TOLD BY CLIFFY B ON THE EVE OF 9/11

ZAWAHIRI AS TOLD BY ZAWAHIRI ON THE EVE OF PRISON

DID YA WANNA WAIT FOR THAT? AS TOLD BY HENRY ROLLINS ON THE EVE OF MT ST HELEN'S

WHY ARE CATS SO DEVIOUS? AS TOLD BY GORDON KAYE ON THE EVE OF ASTON VILLA'S 1981 EUROPEAN CUP WIN

JESUS' TWIN-BROTHER-IN-LAW AS TOLD BY DECEMBER 7, 1941 OR A DATE WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT LIVE IN INFAMY ON THE EVE OF WOULD I? WOULD EYE? BIG EARS

KIDDIE PORN AND ME AS TOLD BY JESUS ON THE EVE OF DESTRUCTION, TAX DEDUCTION THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED OR WILL IT?

I KNOW I AM BUT WHAT ARE YOU? AS TOLD BY JESUS ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR I

MY DAY WITH THE DOG AS TOLD BY BILL COSBY ON THE EVE OF WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE

I'M LOSING ME AS TOLD BY SYLVIA PLATH ON THE EVE OF MY GRANDFATHER'S APPENDIX SURGERY

DAYS MUST FOLLOW THE COURSE OF THE WEEK AS TOLD BY SCODE ON THE EVE OF SUNDAY THE 15TH A DAY FOR CORRECTIONS OF PAST MISTAKES

THE GUILTY WILL FAIL AND FALL AS TOLD BY SCODE ON THE EVE OF FRIDAY THE 14TH A DAY OF NEW POLICY

THE WITNESS TO THE END OF A REVOLT AND 3 THOUSAND DEATHS OF SEEMINGLY INNNOCENT CITIZENS AS TOLD BY SCODE ON THE EVE OF FRIDAY THE 13TH A DAY THAT WILL LAST IN INFAMY

THE END OF DAYS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF BABY DANGLING

HAPLESS DREAMS AS TOLD BY HENRY JAMES ON THE EVE OF THE TIME I FARTED

NARCISSOUS REVISITED AS TOLD BY AXL ROSE ON THE EVE OF EXPULSION FROM EDEN

MY ORIGINAL FACE AS TOLD BY PT BARNUM ON THE EVE OF COLD WAR

NAMING AND NECESSITY AS TOLD BY LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN ON THE EVE OF THE BOSTON TEA PARTY

MY STORY, OR HOW I LEARNED TO SCHMOOZE AS TOLD BY DIONNE WARWICK ON THE EVE OF THE MEXICAN-AMERICAN WAR

THE TIES THAT BIND AS TOLD BY EDWARD G ROBINSON ON THE EVE OF CREATION

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT AS TOLD BY LAURA BUSH ON THE EVE OF THE FALL OF ROME

FALLING OFF A CLIFF AS TOLD BY NAPOLEON ON THE EVE OF THE SPACE RACE

THE OVERBURDENED CATHETER AS TOLD BY PLINY THE ELDER ON THE EVE OF THE BLACK DEATH

HOW SWEET IT IS AS TOLD BY DAVE EGGERS ON THE EVE OF STONEWALL UPRISING

POOR PEOPLE STAMPEDED AS TOLD BY FAT ELVIS ON THE EVE OF LOSING MY VIRGINITY

YAHOO SEARCHES THAT RETURNED NOTHING AS TOLD BY JOHN FLANSBURGH ON THE EVE OF THE BOMBING OF NAGASAKI

MY LIFE AS TOLD BY ME ON THE EVE OF MY BIRTHDAY

MOTHER NATURE'S SEA CHILDREN AS TOLD BY BLACK BEARD ON THE EVE OF WRECK OF THE EDMUND FITZGERALD

WORKING MAN AS TOLD BY BILL COSBY ON THE EVE OF WAR OF 1812

IS GOD REAL AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF THE HINDENBERG DISASTER

SMOKED KING SALMON AS TOLD BY ELVIS PRESLY ON THE EVE OF PEARL HARBOR

HELLO GIRLS: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF DAVID L LANDER AS TOLD BY SAINT FRANCIS OF ASSISI ON THE EVE OF KIRK DOUGLAS' BIRTHDAY

WE'RE ALL WINNERS: GAINING CONTROL OF YOUR OWN DESTINY AS TOLD BY GENERAL ULYSSES S GRANT'S PERSONAL CHEF MOSES CANTRELL ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF ANTIETAM

HOW GUINEA PIGS BEGAN TO RULE THE WORLD AS TOLD BY ELEANOR ROOSEVELT ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF 1864

HEEYY! HOO! HEEYY! HOO! AS TOLD BY AL GORE ON THE EVE OF CHRIST'S RESURRECTION

QWERTY VS DVORAK AS TOLD BY JOHN PAUL II ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF GETTYSBURG

SHUT UP YOU LOUD NEIGHBOR AS TOLD BY EMO PHILLIPS ON THE EVE OF THE DAY ELVIS DIED

MISS AS TOLD BY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ON THE EVE OF GLASTONBURY

BIG WALRUS HUNTING AS TOLD BY DAME EDNA ON THE EVE OF THE HINDINBURGH DISASTER

TO BE OR TO KNOW AS TOLD BY BEN KINGSLEY ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF LITTLE BIG HORN

FRUSTERATED PAW-PRINTS: THE STORY OF IN- BRED DEGENERATES AS TOLD BY CHAN MARSHALL ON THE EVE OF THE STORMING OF ALCATRAZ

THE CONFISCATION OF SULTRY BREATH AS TOLD BY MARTY KRENDALL ON THE EVE OF CHERNOBYL

A CRITIQUE OF CONSENSUS PROCESS: THEORY, PRACTICE AND IMPLICATIONS AS TOLD BY ZOE MITCHELL ON THE EVE OF STORMING OF THE BASTILLE

A TALE OF TWO CITIES AS TOLD BY MAE WEST ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF STALINGRAD

ARTIST HANGS SELF - KNOT A PRETTY PICTURE AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS

MILTON FRIEDMAN: GREAT ECONOMIST AS TOLD BY WINSTON CHURCHILL ON THE EVE OF LOVE PARADE

FARM DAYS AS TOLD BY ANDREW JACKSON ON THE EVE OF ST VALENTINES DAY MASSACRE

HERZOG AS TOLD BY LENIN ON THE EVE OF GREAT OCTOBER SOCIALIST REVOLUTION

HAPPINESS AS TOLD BY AGUSTO GAUDI ON THE EVE OF SPANISH CIVIL WAR

ARTIST AS TOLD BY DAMIEN HIRST ON THE EVE OF WIMBLEDON FINAL

THOUGHT JOCKEY AS TOLD BY RHEINHOLD MESSNER ON THE EVE OF WIMBLEDON

THE BOY WHO WAS ALSO A BIKE AS TOLD BY TOM WOLFE ON THE EVE OF WAR OF 1812

GRAY SKY AND DEEP SNOWBANK AS TOLD BY HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON ON THE EVE OF KENNEDY'S ASSASSINATION

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US AS TOLD BY BILL CLINTON AND NEIL ARMSTRONG ON THE EVE OF 9-11

I AM SERIOUSLY READY FOR SOME JELLY AS TOLD BY HENRY KISSINGER ON THE EVE OF ROBERT LOVE BEING FIRED AS ROLLING STONE'S MANAGING EDITOR

THE SANDWICH FACTORY AS TOLD BY ROBERT WAGNER ON THE EVE OF THE PANIC OF 1819

THE LAST BASTION OF HOPE AS TOLD BY DAVID BOWIE ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

DON'T FLUSH FOR EVERYTHING AS TOLD BY CATHERINE THE GREAT ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

WELCOME TO MY SITE! AS TOLD BY RICK JAMES ON THE EVE OF MY BIRTH

BS AS TOLD BY EVA PERON ON THE EVE OF WAR OF 1812

HOW TO LOVE MCSWEENEY'S AS TOLD BY WINSTON CHURCHILL ON THE EVE OF D-DAY

PHANTOM SWEEN AS TOLD BY PETER MCSWEENEY ON THE EVE OF WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

THE SWEEN WARS AS TOLD BY PETER MCSWEENEY ON THE EVE OF ATTACK OF THE COMMON FOLK

YOU ARE ABOUT TO KNOW THE AUTHORS NAME AS TOLD BY STEPHEN ONN ON THE EVE OF YOU NEVER MEETING THIS PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

THE IMPORTANCE OF TRUE LOVE AS TOLD BY MARGARET THATCHER ON THE EVE OF 1966 WORLD CUP

MY ASS SMELLS FUNNY AS TOLD BY DICK POP AND LOLLY POP ON THE EVE OF THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER THE BURNING OF WASHINGTON

THE DECAY THEORY AS TOLD BY JAY LITTLETON ON THE EVE OF THE HALOCAUST

SCENARIOS AND RISKS AS TOLD BY KOOL G RAP ON THE EVE OF 18TH BRUMAIRE OF NAPOLEON

THE MAKING OF AMERICAN PIE 2 AS TOLD BY GEORGE II ON THE EVE OF THE WAR OF JENKIN'S EAR

IMMACULATE AS TOLD BY THE DEVIL ON THE EVE OF CHERNOLILL

LEARN SPANISH THE EASY WAY AS TOLD BY GARTH BROOKS ON THE EVE OF THE HOLOCAUST

EDINBURGH AS TOLD BY STUART MURDOCH ON THE EVE OF CHERNOBYL

WHAT I DID ON MY HOLIDAYS AS TOLD BY THE FLYING MONKEYS IN THE 'WIZARD OF OZ' ON THE EVE OF THE INVENTION OF SLICED BREAD

THAT'S A CRAZY LOVE AS TOLD BY ROGER MOORE ON THE EVE OF BIRTH

THE LONG, DARK, UNEVENTFUL WINTER OF MY SOUL- A FICTIONAL MEMOIR AS TOLD BY THE GIRL WHO NEVER FINISHED THAT BOOK SHE TALKS SO MUCH ABOUT ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THAT TERRI GOT FED UP WITH HERSELF AND JUST SAID FUCK IT

HEY WORLD, CHECK ME OUT! AS TOLD BY MICROMAN THE HOOPSLAP TEAMSTER ON THE EVE OF BOING BOING BOING

ROCKIN AND ROLLIN AS TOLD BY BILLIE HOLIDAY ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR II

'IF IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR KURT COBAIN, IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!' AS TOLD BY CHRIS ROMINE ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED

FOURTEEN TALES OF CAUTION FOR THE MERCENARIES OF THE NEW MILLENIUM AND ALL SUBSEQUENT BIODOME DENIZENS BELOW THE MILKY BLOOD SKY AS TOLD BY LATOYA JACKSON ON THE EVE OF FALL OF THE BERLIN WALL

BEEP BEEP AS TOLD BY MICHEAL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF OLYMPICS

GEE, MY SCROTUM SEEMS ITCHIER THAN NORMAL AS TOLD BY MERV GRIFFIN ON THE EVE OF THE DAY MERV WENT TO THE VET TO GET TUTORED

I LIKE EGGS AS TOLD BY ABE LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE

COMPILING ON LINUX BOXES AS TOLD BY OLIVER CROMWELL ON THE EVE OF CALIFORNIA GOLD RUSH

HE INVADES MY LIFE AS TOLD BY RICHARD FEYNMAN ON THE EVE OF NOBEL PRIZE WINNING

I KNOW IT'S STUPID TO HAVE HOPELESS CRUSHES ON BOYS WHO AREN'T INTERESTED IN THE FACT THAT I CAN MAKE PANCAKES OUT OF MOST ANYTHING AND I SHOULD REALLY KNOW BETTER BUT IT'S THOSE EYES THAT SUCK ME IN EVERY TIME AS TOLD BY A GIRL WHO NEEDS TO STOP TRUSTING HER HEART & HER GENITALIA WITH MATTERS SUCH AS THIS ON THE EVE OF THE DAY SHE PROMISED NOT TO HAVE ANY MORE UNREALISTIC FANTASIES ABOUT BOYS WHO ARE SWEET TROUBLE

'ACH! DAT IS NOT EIN BOOBIE! AS TOLD BY HECTOR VON FRUITNSCHNAPPLE ON THE EVE OF THE DAY OF MY LAST SIP OF SWEET, SWEET DIET RITE

THE CALLING AS TOLD BY MADONNA ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

BREAKING UP IS EASY TO DO AS TOLD BY ETHELBERT ON THE EVE OF THE CRUSADES

PANDA DROPPINGS AS TOLD BY BO DEREK ON THE EVE OF ST VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE

MAX THE HARD HEARTED AS TOLD BY MR BAGGLEY ON THE EVE OF THE PARACHUTE PANTS DISASTER

HOW TO MEET AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE AS TOLD BY BILL CLINTON ON THE EVE OF THE INTERN MEETS THE PRESIDENT

DRIVING AT NIGHT AS TOLD BY CYNDI LAUPER ON THE EVE OF WATERGATE

HOW TO CATCH FISH AS TOLD BY IGOR STRAVINSKY ON THE EVE OF EXPLOSION OF THE HINDENBURG

ABOUT JUDITH LIGHT AS TOLD BY TONY DANZA ON THE EVE OF ACNE REMOVAL

HOW TWO RATS BECAME FOUR AS TOLD BY JAMES DEAN ON THE EVE OF ELECTION OF GOERGE BUSH, SR

TODAY'S SOLAR ENERGY AS TOLD BY STACY A FOLKER ON THE EVE OF USES OF HISTORICAL ENERGY THROUGHOUT HISTORY AND IN THE FUTURE

THE EAST BAY EXPRESS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS

I ORDERED A MCSWEENEY'S HOLIDAY GIFT PACK THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO INCLUDE A T-SHIRT, BUT THE ONE THEY SENT ME WAS AN XL WHICH IS WAY TOO BIG FOR A NORMAL PERSON UNLESS THEY ARE GOING TO A SLUMBER PARTY AS TOLD BY AN USUALLY HAPPY MCSWEENEY'S FAN ON THE EVE OF THE DAY I REALIZED THAT MCSWEENEYS DOESN'T HAVE GREAT FOLLOW THROUGH

ALLISON JONES AS TOLD BY PAUL SIMON ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

SISTERHOOD AS TOLD BY ST THERESA OF AVILA ON THE EVE OF CHALLENGER EXPLOSION

KICK MATT JOHSON IN THE BALLS WITH ALL THE POWER AND GLORY THAT GOD GAVE TO ME AS TOLD BY THAT RAT BASTARD MATT JOHNSON ON THE EVE OF MATT FALLS TO THE EARTH SCREAMING, 'I SHOULD HAVE FIRED ANDREW AND HIRED PAT!'

MEATLOAF SANDWICH DAY AS TOLD BY JOHN LAWTON ON THE EVE OF MEATLOAF DAY

'H' TO THE IZZ'O' V TO THE IZZ'A' THATS THE ANTHEM GET YA DAMN HANDS UP AS TOLD BY MARC ANTHONY (NOT THE SINGER) ON THE EVE OF THE INVENTION OF THE EARLENMEYER FLASK

HECTORING FRUIT IN VERMONT AS TOLD BY JOHN PAUL VANN ON THE EVE OF A COMPUTER

CHERRIES AS TOLD BY CHERRIES ON THE EVE OF CHERRIES

SPAM AS TOLD BY BRITNEY SPEARS ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF STALINGRAD

YOU'LL NERVER SEE MY ASS AGAIN BECAUSE I'M ON THE LAM AS TOLD BY OSAMA BIN LADEN ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THE SH_T HIT THE FAN

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF LORRIE T AS TOLD BY JIMMY BUFFET ON THE EVE OF THE OPENING OF HARRY POTTER

OH GOD WILL THESE EXAMS EVER END? AS TOLD BY A LONG-SUFFERING ANTHROPOLOGY GRADUATE STUDENT WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS ON THE EVE OF THE DAY SHE REALIZED THAT HER BRAIN HAD REACHED ITS SATURATION POINT

BUILDING TOMORROW TODAY AS TOLD BY ADLAI STEVENSON ON THE EVE OF THE BIG BANG

NINE YEARS IS A REALLY LONG TIME AS TOLD BY ED AND JIM ON THE EVE OF THE MARKETING SUMMIT

MY CAT AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

I AM LIVING IN A F*CKING CAVE WITH MY THREE WIVES WHILE THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY TEETER ON THE EDGE OF POVERTY AS TOLD BY OSAMA BIN LADEN ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THE BUNKER BUSTER HIT

I AM IGNORANT COWARD WHO EATS HIS OWN BUTT AND IS A STUPID HEAD AS TOLD BY THE WTC TERRORISTS ON THE EVE OF THE ATTACK OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTER

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

BIG PIMPIN', SPENDIN' CHEESE AS TOLD BY GHANDI ON THE EVE OF THE NIGHT MY HOMEY 'BABY BOO' TOOK A PENCIL IN HIS NECK

MELODIOUS CHILD DEAD IN ME AS TOLD BY HACK KNEED ON THE EVE OF THE ROAD HOME

MY LIFE AS A STAIRCASE WITH NO HANDRAIL AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF THE MILLENIUM

THE FIRST AUTUMN NIGHT AS TOLD BY WOLF BLITZER ON THE EVE OF D-DAY

ROBERT BURNS WAS PUNK ROCK AS TOLD BY ALEXANDER POPE ON THE EVE OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION

MY RESIGNATION / 2 WEEK NOTICE AS TOLD BY MY BOSS ON THE EVE OF TODAY

FLIM FLAM AS TOLD BY MILES STANDISH ON THE EVE OF THE FIRST DAY OF THE APOCOLYPSE

BIG MACK FILET O FISH QUARTER POUNDER FRENCH FRIES ICY COKE THICK SHAKE SUNDAES AND APPLE PIES AS TOLD BY MY MOMMA ON THE EVE OF THE DAY REAGAN SAID KETCHUP WAS A VEGETABLE

I AM SORRY BUT I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHY AS TOLD BY OZZY OSBOURNE ON THE EVE OF THE DAY I GOT THE PINK SLIP FROM HR ONE

MY CANADIAN BOYFRIEND AS TOLD BY RONALD MCDONALD ON THE EVE OF WATERGATE

LETTERS FROM FATHER AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF HIROSHIMA

THE SHAME OF RED CHINA AS TOLD BY JESUS ON THE EVE OF THE CIVIL WAR

HOW I EAT TRASH AS TOLD BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF HIROSHIMA BOMBING

MY SUMMER VACATION AS TOLD BY MADONNA ON THE EVE OF JUDGEMENT DAY

MEMORIES OF A DEAD DONKEY AS TOLD BY DAMON ALBARN OF BLUR ON THE EVE OF THE SIGNING OF THE TREATY OF GHENT

NOW THROW YA HANDS IN THA MUTHA F_CKIN AIR AND WAVE THA MUTHA F_CKAS LIKE YA JUST DON'T CARE AS TOLD BY KEN KESEY ON THE EVE OF THE DAY MY UNCLE BEAT UP A SHARK AND PULLED MY SEVERED ARM FROM ITS JAWS

YOU'VE GOT A CRUSH ON ME AS TOLD BY AARON BERGERON ON THE EVE OF DESTRUCTION

HEROIC THOUGHT AS TOLD BY BOB DYLAN ON THE EVE OF AGE OR REASON

MOOKIE POOP AS TOLD BY ED GEIN ON THE EVE OF WATERLOO

TAMARA, THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF OUR CAT AND HERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS AND PHONE NUMBERS IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT US WHILE WE ARE OUT OF TOWN AS TOLD BY TENNESSEE WILLIAMS ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED

MAN ON MARS AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF WORLD SEIRES

HE WHOSE HEART IS AS BIG AS THE SKY AS TOLD BY VLADIMIR LENIN ON THE EVE OF CENTRAL HIGH CRISIS

DADDY MAC MCDADDY AS TOLD BY JEFFERSON AS IN THOMAS ON THE EVE OF MOUTHING OFF IN FRENCH CLASS

BRING ME THE FOLLOWING INGREEDIENTS ON THIS LIST AND I WILL MAKE YOU A SUPERB PEACH COBBLER AS TOLD BY JOSEPH STALIN ON THE EVE OF THE NIGHT BRITNEY SPEARS GREW FROM A LITTLE GIRL TO A SULTRY WOMAN

APOCALYPSE NOW AS TOLD BY THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE ON THE EVE OF BATTLE OF THE BULGE

MEGGIE AS TOLD BY BILL CLINTON ON THE EVE OF THE DEVIL'S INAUGURATION

STUD AS TOLD BY MOZART ON THE EVE OF REVOLUTION

NACHO-OF-DEATH AS TOLD BY SLIPKNOT ON THE EVE OF OZZFEST

CRAP CRAP CRAP AS TOLD BY BOB JOE ON THE EVE OF 1914

HEADMASTER KUNO AS TOLD BY BOB DOLE ON THE EVE OF WORLD WAR 2

MATT'S NEW HAIRCUT AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON'S MONKEY BUBBLES ON THE EVE OF THE SPAINISH AMERICAN WAR

APPLE (FRIEND) PIE ALA MODE AS TOLD BY JACKIE DRAKE ON THE EVE OF JONESTOWN MASSACRE

POLKAS REALLY PUSH TUBAS TO THEIR LIMITS AS TOLD BY JANIS JOPLIN ON THE EVE OF LED ZEPPLIN'S SWITCH FROM OVERALLS TO SKIN TIGHT PANTS

THE SLEEP FOR TOMORROW AS TOLD BY EISENHOWER ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE

A DIVINE AIR AS TOLD BY MAHATMA GHANDI ON THE EVE OF MOON LANDING

HOW MRHIP WORKS AS TOLD BY ANTHONY HOPKINS ON THE EVE OF THE ALAMO

ANDREW, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A F*CKUP AS TOLD BY JOHN CONGER ON THE EVE OF THE SAINT PATRICK'S DAY OFFICE PARTY

TAIWAI IS GETTING MARRIED AND GOING TO JAPAN ON HIS HOMEYMOON AS TOLD BY JOHN DENVER ON THE EVE OF THE NIGHT BRUCE LEE DIED

SIGHTINGS OF THE MONKEY MAN INCREASED DURING THE SUMMER OF 2001 AS TOLD BY THANMAL ON THE EVE OF GEORGE BUSH'S FIRST 100 DAYS IN OFFICE

AESCHYLUS' EUMENIDES AS TOLD BY FRANCISCO FRANCO ON THE EVE OF BOXER REBELLION

WHY THE REVOLUTION FAILED AS TOLD BY JIMI HENDRIX ON THE EVE OF BOSTON TEA PARTY

'ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE' AS TOLD BY THE ORIGINAL CEO OF THEGLOBECOM ON THE EVE OF THE DOTCOM MELTDOWN

DANCING GOATS AS TOLD BY FONZIE ON THE EVE OF THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO

OOPS WE FORGOT TO SEND SUBSCRIBERS THEIR ISSUES, AND WE HAVE SOLD OUT, SO WE WILL SEND YOU A SECOND EDITION AS SOON AS IT'S BACK FROM THE PRINTERS AS TOLD BY MCSWEENEYS ON THE EVE OF THE RELEASE OF ISSUE 6

HOW TO EAT FRIED WORMS AS TOLD BY JIM JONES ON THE EVE OF DEFCON

MIXED TAPES AS TOLD BY BONO ON THE EVE OF BOER WAR

MAD COW DISEASE AS TOLD BY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF SINKING OF THE TITANIC

I'M SO TIRED AS TOLD BY JAMES AGEE ON THE EVE OF THE BAY OF PIGS

LETTER FROM CORFU AS TOLD BY JENNIFER LOPEZ ON THE EVE OF KENNEDY ASSASSINATION

SAFE SEX AS TOLD BY MARK TWAIN ON THE EVE OF THE CIVIL WAR

HUZZAH FOR SUMMER! AS TOLD BY FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE ON THE EVE OF THE SPANISH CIVIL WAR

REMEMBERING JOEY RAMONE AS TOLD BY LEMMY FROM MOTORHEAD ON THE EVE OF THE SIEGE OF EL ALAMEIN

NOT SO LITTLE WOMEN AS TOLD BY ADMIRAL ROBERT BYRD ON THE EVE OF THE THEATRICAL RELEASE OF SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

TOUCH MY MONKEY! AS TOLD BY THE VENERABLE BEDE ON THE EVE OF SUPER BOWL XXI

THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD AS TOLD BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF THE TRIAL OF GALILEO

LEARNING TO WALK AS TOLD BY ALBERT SCHWEITZER ON THE EVE OF RAPE OF NANKING

HAPPY EASTER GRANDMA AS TOLD BY BURT REYNOLDS ON THE EVE OF THE DAY I GOT MY COMMODORE 64

THE STORY OF MY LIFE AS TOLD BY MARLA GIBBS ON THE EVE OF THE CRASH OF THE HINDENBERG

SIR POOPS-A-LOT AND THE CHOCOLATE MEXICAN, A CHRISTMAS TALE AS TOLD BY IGGY POP ON THE EVE OF THE LATINO POP EXPLOSION

THE COTTON CANDY CRUSADE AS TOLD BY CYNDI LAUPER ON THE EVE OF WOODSTOCK

YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY I'VE GOT LOVE IN MY TUMMY AS TOLD BY STEVEN TYLER OF AEROSMITH ON THE EVE OF HIS WORTHLESS BAND'S INDUCTION INTO THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME

PASSENGERS AS TOLD BY GEORGE ADAMSKI ON THE EVE OF THE DROPPING OF THE ATOMIC BOMB ON HIROSHIMA

SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY AND SCIENTIFIC METHOD AS TOLD BY SOME RAMBLING DRUNK GUY ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

'THE BEACH' WAS PROBABLY MY BEST MOVIE ROLE EVER AS TOLD BY LEONARDO DICAPRIO ON THE EVE OF THE DAY THE WORLD WOKE UP AND SAW THAT NO-TALENT BASTARD FOR WHAT HE REALLY IS

ARCHAEOLOGY AS ANTHROPOLOGY? WHO GIVES A FLYING CRAP? AS TOLD BY LEWIS BINFORD'S GAPING MAW ON THE EVE OF OF THAT TERRIBLE DAY OF WHICH WE SHALL NEVER SPEAK OF AGAIN

THE CROW CRIED FOR MOURNING AS TOLD BY NAPOLEAN ON THE EVE OF THE INVENTION OF GUNPOWDER

RONALD ASKED ME A QUESTION ABOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH AS TOLD BY CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ON THE EVE OF DISCOVERY OF THE NEW WORLD

ARE YOU READY TO GET NASTY NEWARK AS TOLD BY JOHN DENVER ON THE EVE OF NIXONS RESIGNATION

UWHARRIE CERAMICS: STABILITY AND CHANGE AS TOLD BY ELVIS PRESLEY ON THE EVE OF TRANSITION TO AGRICULTURE

LOLA AND STELLA, CAT RANCHERS AS TOLD BY SHAWN CASSIDY ON THE EVE OF FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

FUN FUN FUN AS TOLD BY MICHAEL JACKSON ON THE EVE OF THE HINDENBURG EXPLOSION

METAPHORSKIN---FLESH MEETS FICTION AS TOLD BY CHICKEN MCNUGGET, OF THE CLAN MCNUGGET ON THE EVE OF THAT FATEFUL DAY

HOW I ATE THE ASS OUT OF A HORSE AS TOLD BY LEONARD BERSTEIN ON THE EVE OF PEARL HARBOR

HOW TO PEEL A SEEDLESS GRAPE AS TOLD BY QUENTIN CRISP ON THE EVE OF YOUR WEDDING

THE EMOTIONAL DICHOTOMY OF THE I-95 ROAD TRIP CORRIDOR AS TOLD BY MATT JOHNSON ON THE EVE OF HIS MOST RECENT USE OF THE MCSWEENEY'S TITLE GENERATOR

THE SWEATIEST HOOD AS TOLD BY RICHARD STARKEY ON THE EVE OF BLOOMSDAY

ONWARD CHRISTIAN GOOFBALLS AS TOLD BY CLARK KENT ON THE EVE OF THE US FESTIVAL

MY BOTTOM, YOUR DOLLAR AS TOLD BY ERNEST BORGNINE ON THE EVE OF 1976 OLYMPIC GAMES

LICKING FLAGPOLES IS EASY AS TOLD BY NAPOLEON ON THE EVE OF DRE DAY

THE RETARD CONNECTION AS TOLD BY MEYER LANSKY ON THE EVE OF THE WORLD SERIES

THE GAYNESS ENGINE AS TOLD BY TRENT REZNOR ON THE EVE OF BASTILLE DAY

THE CHOWDERHEAD STRATEGEM AS TOLD BY JOSEPH MITCHELL ON THE EVE OF EARTH DAY

THE RESTRAINING ORDER AS TOLD BY VLADMIR MAYAKOVSKY ON THE EVE OF THE FATHER-SON PICNIC

THE DEVIL'S IN MY PANTS AS TOLD BY CHARLES SCHULTZ ON THE EVE OF THE WAR OF 1812

MAG EARWIG AS TOLD BY TOBIN SPROUT ON THE EVE OF THE TIME WE GOT DRUNK

THE UNREMARKABLE AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF PRESIDENTS DAY

CUTTING BOXES AS TOLD BY BILL WESTMORELAND ON THE EVE OF EARTH DAY

M C S W E E N E Y ' S AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF PEARL HARBOR

BIG SNOW STORM HEADED OUR WAY AS TOLD BY CARL SANDBURG ON THE EVE OF THE JAPANESE BOMBING OF PEARL HARBOR

HOW TO TIE YOUR SHOE AS TOLD BY MAURICE CHEVALIER ON THE EVE OF OJ SIMPSON TRIAL

POOP AS TOLD BY SLAPPY WHITE ON THE EVE OF THE DAY SOMEBODY SHOT GEORGE BUSH'S LIMOUSINE IN THE EIGHTIES

CANDYGRAMS AS TOLD BY KAREEM ABDUL JABAR ON THE EVE OF THE CREATION OF THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD

DAMN I LOVE THAT VANILLA ICE CREAM AS TOLD BY CHRISTINA AGUILLERA ON THE EVE OF 2001 GRAMMY AWARDS

LIVE AID REBATE AS TOLD BY SLIM PICKENS ON THE EVE OF GADSDEN PURCHASE

HOW I GOT MY SWEDISH PENIS PUMP THROUGH CUSTOMS AS TOLD BY ANDY WARHOL ON THE EVE OF WOODSTOCK

PET SURGERY CAN BE DONE AT HOME AS TOLD BY EVANDER HOLLYFIELD ON THE EVE OF THE SIGNING OF THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION

DAMN TELEMARKETERS AS TOLD BY RON WOOD ON THE EVE OF THE WAR OF 1812

'FLAMING PILES OF OILY RAGS' AS TOLD BY EVAN'S DOG TOAST ON THE EVE OF EASTER 1998

'PANTS DON'T FAIL ME NOW' AS TOLD BY ABE LINCOLN ON THE EVE OF THE STOCK MARKET CRASH

THE FLAV AS TOLD BY WILLIAM 'REFRIGERATOR' PERRY ON THE EVE OF KRISTALLNACHT

LOVING THE MAN INSIDE AS TOLD BY CLARENCE CLEMMONS ON THE EVE OF THE BOMBING OF HIROSHIMA

MY SO CALLED LIFE AS TOLD BY JOAN OF ARC ON THE EVE OF RICH'S 30TH BIRTHDAY

BLANK VERSE BY THE BLANK GENERATION AS TOLD BY RICHARD HELL ON THE EVE OF THE SEPTEMBER 9TH, 1979 PATTI SMITH / TELEVISION DOUBLE BILL AT CBGB'S

GOODNIGHT MOON AS TOLD BY ELVIS ON THE EVE OF CHISTMAS DAY 1964

TAIWAI'S TRIP TO THE STORE AS TOLD BY DEVON SUTER ON THE EVE OF BLOODY SUNDAY