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2002:March:2
"Are you there god? It's me, Margaret? Still love me? God is not capitlized for personal reasons we might discuss later. But for now, I just wanted to give a shout out to those Judy Blume fans out there. And, of course, I admit it, I wanted some shock value to grab those purist I may have lost since our last meeting. I trust you are well, gentle reader? Pregnant pauses and shock value are delightful, yet terrifing, because you have no idea what is coming next if you do not always give the appropriate response.
Ok, so it is obvious to you I am sure that I crave some kind of change you say? Perhaps I do. I shall travel soon. My astrological reading, a detailed one that I was given by this hippie writer guy downtown, said that I was a traveller and storyteller. So I think that it is a benefit for you and for me if I travel soon. Mama is feeling mighty low ever since I decided to take that easy validation away, i.e, the cruising. I really need some new stimulus. I do not think I am ready to buy a house right now. It is possible for me to do, but it means more commitment to my job and I do not think I shall last much longer there. Although, I know that the long work history, well, long for me, 3 and a half years, would really help in getting a house, but I think I prefer to invest my energy and pocket book elsewhere. I want to visit with you, yes you, gentle reader, more, much much more. I want to read more, travel more, see more movie, anything, I so want to enlighten you and myself. I do detest my job, you may as well, so please bear with me a moment. I was told by my former employer that my present employer would promise me the moon and that she would give me grief about my appearence. Some exposition is necessary here, If you do not already know me, I do not fit the suit. I never have, I never will and that is cool. "Siloutte like an eggplant/My body heaves like I am pregnant" I am not as fat now as when I wrote the aforementioned prose clip from college. Shudder to think! No, in fact, I am not fat at all now, but I guess I do have a wierd little body. I am a kind of short guy with narrow shoulders and wide hips. Glasses, and a high voice to boot. Baggy pants and semi nice shirts with somewhat scruffy shoes has always sort have been my signature look. So I could not work at the Gap in a small city or anything like that in a small city. I would not want to teach high school, that was terrifying enough for obvious reasons. I would rather teach college. Students pay for the privilege to be in your class.
But I digress, so, my boss, I have been called "rough around the edges" and other nicieties as such at the end of evaluation when I am leaving her office. And of course, gentle reader, I have made every effort to dress nicer for this production job where all of you clothes get ruined anyway. I have spent more money on clothes for this job than any other job I have had but, I feel as if it is all for naught. Oh, and the moon, the moon would be the whole money thing. Oh vey! Don't get me started. See, that is what I wanted to tell you, if you realize that something is never going to change at a job and much time elapses, rest assured, you are right in your thinking. At least in my experience thus far, I have accepted that this for what it was.
But nevermore, I must move on and you must too, gentle reader, whatever it is we want to do, what you want to do, do it! We really could all be dead tomorrow. I was freaked in the shower about the boogeyman. The lack of T. V. this week has really affected me and listeneing to the news and reading seem to stick to my brain bones much more. I feel like I am coping out if I am watching T. V. by myself, I should be busy creating. I really feel quite thickheaded if I get on an evening rut of T. V. and wine and good food. I forget all the stuff I have to and want to do. I must simplify my life. I use the tube as a crutch against loneliness. Oh, don't we all. I can actually do without it except at mealtimes at home, especially dinnertime. Dinnertime, the climax of the evening for the oversexed, newly celibate, freakishly honest in print as of late, writer who only wishes to be in your good graces. But I must have the flashy images to chase my mind away, this is bad, I know. And, ok, again, this is good for me too. This freeform analysis you see before you, this dagger you see before you, "oh, happy dagger," take it, run with it, reevaluate your own life. Find out what you want to do, now, and then do this thing. When is it all going to happen if we do not make it happen right now. Ok, I am getting preachy? Yes, ok, sorrry. I bid you so long, but not farewell, the wine is making me long in the tooth, if you will, and I should have stopped long ago with this confessional congressional we are having with one another. More short stories soon, my friend. I think I shall take all of my old stuff, from the past for your approval and incessant dismay and display them for you, and, then, destroy them for me, so I can move on to bigger and better things for me and for you.
Peace be with you.
Love, me.
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