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Post-Modern Drunk: Bourbon Skills and/or Assets
Stu
Post-Modern Drunkard
The Internet
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE
1998-Present: Drinker of Bourbon/Rye
Responsibilities:
- Consumed roughly one liter of bourbon a week.
- Coordinated mixing of bourbon with ice, coke, coffee, etc.
- Integrated bourbon consumption with daily activities, such as showering, videogame playing, interpersonal relationships, and sleeping.
- Reconciled interplay of bourbon, food, and cigarette smoke, with an eye towards drunkenness and not vomiting.
- Owes three first dates (or reasonable facscimiles thereof) to bourbon, resulting in over four years of relationships and counting.
- Posted somewhere between 150 and 180 "blogs" on happyrobot, out of a total of 249 posts thus far
1998-2002: Beer drinker/Drinking Game Competitor
Responsibilities:
- Proficient in drinking games involving dice, cards, red cups, and ping pong balls
- Developed ability to learn new games quickly and adapt to changing rules adeptly
- Developed stomach capacity for copious cheap beer consumption
- Managed alcohol tolerance for marathon drinking game sessions
- Nevertheless managed to graduate from college nearly on time
1997-1998: Drinker of Bailey's Irish Cream
Responsibilities:
- Managed a burgeoning curiosity to try alcohol with a childish desire for sweets
- Experienced girl drink drunk.
SKILLS, ASSETS, AND ADDITIONAL TRAINING
Works well in sustained independent and collaborative drinking experiences
Competent with vodka, Jaegermeister, gin, rum, kahlua, and other essential spirits
Proficient with wine, absinthe, and scotch
Experience with drink mixing, both via shaking and/or stirring
Skilled in new drink acquisition and consumption
Proficient in liquor store identification and alcohol purchasing
