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Post-Modern Drunk: Another Open Letter to Kanye West
Mr. West,
Remember me? I wrote you a couple of years ago. You seem to have appreciated my advice--you at least seem to have heeded my warnings not to write any more lyrics as egregious as "The way Kathy Lee needed Regis that's the way I need Jesus." I thank you for your attention to that abortion of a lyric, and on behalf of humanity, I'd like to thank you for your attempts at stepping up your game.
But we need to talk. Again. In recent days, you seem to have forgotten Wil Wheaton's First Rule. Or even worse, maybe you never learned it in the first place. If that's the case, here it is.
Don't be a dick.
Snatching a young girl's first award out of her hands and ruining what might be high point of her life (at least professionally), dude, that's pretty much the platonic ideal of a dick move. All the other dick moves are just shadows on the cave wall compared to that.
To put it another way, not even I would have done something like that. And I've done some mean shit to 20 year old girls. Just ask Victoria, if you can find her.
I've heard it said that you were drunk at the time. I can sympathize with that, really I can. I've justified a lot of shit in my life with that excuse. I've had relationships spool out of that. Being rdunk even explains a lot, for both of us. But I can tell you, it doesn't make it okay.
But that leads me to my next point. I've seen the pictures. You were getting drunk on Hennessey. Cognac, straight from the bottle. Dude, that is so not cool. In fact, that's some weak-ass shit. If you're planning on being a dick, might I recommend some alternative booze to get enraged on?
- Jaegermeister, the drink of choice for Metallica when they wanted to get good and angry.
- Absinthe. Less badass now that it's legal to get in this country, but don't let that Green Fairy stuff throw you off. This stuff will fuck you up like a badass.
- Corn whiskey. From a mason jar.
- Fermented Mare's Milk
A side note. I'm sorry, man, I don't speak ALL CAPS. So cut it out in your postings. It just makes you look like a retarded teenager commenting on youtube rather than a Grammy winner. I keep expecting you to call someone a F4G and talk about how awesome ninjas are. ALL CAPS are for mouth-breathers or, in rare occasions, for people who are genuinely angry. SO CUT THAT SHIT OUT, OKAY? See. There. Angry. Proper use of ALL CAPS.
Hope you are well. Drink some water for that hangover, okay, buddy?
-Stu
