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Accounting for Everything: The Worthy Heart
I am feeling anxious. My heart gulping. I have to be nowhere. I have nothing to do. Yet the beast of anticipation hounds me.
I am dreaming of collection agencies seizing my property. Yet I have no overdue bills.
I am haunted. I am afraid. Coupled with this feeling there is a feeling of being surrounded by a great fortress. To enter my space requires a massive effort.
I hope secretly he is building a Trojan horse. Or tuning up his band of horns and drums.
I want to be tricked. Fooled into love. Into intimacy.
For months I planned and strategized as to how I would bring down his Jericho. Then one day it didn't even fall. It just vanished. Now he is open and willing.
And as for me?
(combination number)-three full rotations backward-(combination number)-two full rotations forward-(combination number) Simple. Calculated.
Everyday the numbers add up. Everyday I deposit the gains, balance the losses. Everyday I figure it all out.
And when I return home?
My heart gulps and I dream of ruin.
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