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*As in "Welcome to" and where "Gator Country"
means "Los Angeles"
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Gator Country: the only excuse is that you're dead from being eaten by a giant squid: my blog -- yes blog -- to "loser boy"
ok, so it goes like this:
we had -- i mean i made -- this fantastic dinner. everything took forever to make. i made smoked windsor pork chops with cinnamon apple sauce, homemade bread, organic greens that i bought at the farmer's market especially, and french silk cake with creme brulee. yum! but where are you?
have you gotten into a car wreck? eaten by a giant squid? god, i hope so, because then someone someday will call me and say, mina, he's dead and then i won't feel so bad that you totally blew me off.
but right now you're probably not lying in a ditch off the hollywood freeway with your upside down car next to you, wheels still spinning. oh no, you're home probably farting around or, worse yet, sleeping (who sleeps anymore? who has time for that?), or no, even worse yet, text messaging some female who's a lot shorter and dumber than you. i bet she dots her i's with big circles and puts two lines under her name and stuff with a smiley face too. so, where was i? oh yeah, dinner. well, fart it, i'm just gonna eat. and then when i hear from you i'm gonna be all like "oh, whatever" like i barely remembered. just like that. and i'm not gonna say nothing. i'm gonna wait and see if you get upset because guess what, no smoked windsor pork chops for you, douche bag!
uh! i am so pissed! so, B2S (blog to self!) - here's my new, new set of rules:
1. i will not talk to, call, or even acknowledge boys i like
2. i will not spend any money on boys i like in this country or any other country on Planet Earth, and not even on Mars or Venus or that other new planet past Pluto
3. delete myspace and friendster profiles stat
4. change AIM name to unrecognizable unisex name or common noun
5. new: cellphone, home phone, job, wheels, address, skin color, hair color, eye color, nail color, zip code, country, planet, solar system, galaxy, universe (possible? B2S: finish "Hyperspace": research potential to catch ride to alternate 6-dimensional universe at simultaneous moment our 4-dimensional universe collapses in anti-Big Bang -- look into it)
6. start smoking
7. consider career as CIA spy; have tats removed?
8. get a massage and a facial (may fix everything!)
9. focus more on self (B2S: who am i?)
10. stop comparing my life to Laguna Beach
11. lose 12 pounds by Friday
12. pay parking tickets
13. i don't know what to put here; this is supposed to be an unlucky number. oh! i know! be nicer to homeless people - karma karma karma!
14. organize closet by color (ROYGBV but what about black and white? remaining winter clothes? shoes? belts? oh fuck it.)
15. watch less TV and read more
16. cook own meals
17. go to bed earlier try to go to bed earlier
18. no more country music
19. replace vibrator batteries (B2S: move to top 10)
20. avoid cheap men like the plague
21. fix vacuum cleaner once and for all
22. coffee table is decorative space, not landing pad for crap!
23. remember, first impressions count!
24. write new year's resolutions and start them now, build momentum
i've lost my train of thought. but at least i'm not totally pissed. anywho, gotta go. got a big list to tackle.
l8tes --
M.
oh, and happy thanksgiving everybody!
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