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honky cracker: recipe for f*cked-up friday souffle
1 Nebulous relationship with bisexual female
1 Meddling lesbian mutual friend with ulterior motives
1 Boy struggling to find the twilight zone between the Relationship-He's-Always-Wanted-With-Said-Bisexual-Female - but-Knows-he-can-Never-Have Place and the Very-Close-Friend-Always-Looking-Out-For-the-Best-Interest-of-his-Peeps Place
1 Boston Area Lesbian Club
approximately 1/2 liter Knob Creek Bourbon
6-12 (or maybe more) pints of beer
1 Medium-sized apartment bedroom
1 Copy of Weezer's Pinkerton, for flavor
1 Crappy-ass stereo
DIRECTIONS
Separate Bisexual Female and Boy Struggling with Meddling Lesbian Mutual Friend with Ulterior Motives. This should be done in a series of small, jagged jabs until the bond between the two finally breaks.
Place Bisexual Female, Meddling Lesbian, and 6-12 pints of beer inside Boston Area Lesbian Club. Simmer over moderate to high heat for 3-4 hours.
(NOTE -- this MAY come to a boil. If it does, let it. There's nothing you can do about it.)
Place Boy Struggling in a medium-sized apartment bedroom, preferably one that's air conditioned. Make sure Crappy-ass stereo is in said bedroom. Pour approx. 1/2 liter of Knob Creek Bourbon into Boy Struggling at a moderate pace, dictated by Boy Struggling's ability to absorb it. This should take about an hour, but not more than two.
Play Weezer's Pinkerton in Crappy-ass Stereo while doing this. (Say what you will about the choice of music. But it is a culinary fact that Boy Struggling absorbs bourbon with greater efficiency while singing along to the music of Rivers Cuomo.)
If Boy Struggling needs more Bourbon, please, by all means, run out and get him some!
After Boy Struggling is finished absorbing the Bourbon, let it stand overnight.
After contents of Boston-area Lesbian club have finished simmering/boiling, leave them alone. It will take shape on its own. Let it sit until the next day.
Once both mixtures have sat separately overnight, serve the two together the next day, as you see fit. Results may vary. Enjoy.
