river rat: On boats. First, let me apologize for telling a Bible Camp story. The assignment was to write about something stolen from me, not someone else, but every time I hear of petty thievery Bible Camp pops up and, well, there it is. A scar.
This is written by a River Rat who grew up on a river with canoes, john boats, barges, a paddle wheel ferry, and every iteration of air boat imaginable. Some of the water craft I remember growing up looked straight out of Dr. Seuss's imagination: VW engine powered Flo-boglers, Evinrude Do-Ruddlers, Puddle Jum-pubblers, and Skim Barge-a-lurs. With so many watercraft available a more appropriate question would be: what have you not done on a boat?
I have not eaten chicken in a boat and that's a bit surprising. I have eaten Spam and tuna, both from their cans and elegantly presented on home baked bread. I have boiled crayfish on a canoe, "cooked" catfish ceviche on a john boat, and made a perfect three egg omelet with scallions, cream cheese and eel.
Liquor and boating go together like high speed chases and school zones. It is possible that I've sampled a greater variety of alcoholic beverages on the water than on land, never once considering that when drunk I would drown. Why would I consider it dangerous when swimming, diving, and floating were activities performed more often when inebriated than not.
Though I have never personally done "it" on a boat, I have held a tarp over a pair of friends engaged in aquafornication. After a few minutes of faux shock and feigned shyness me and the guy holding the other end of the tarp turned the act into a Cirque du Soleil parachute act, working the tarp like a bellows. Covered. SURPRISE! Covered. SURPRISE! It was like watching early film clips where time spans between frames didn't make sense.
