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Tropical Depression: Relationship application
Relationship Application
So you've met with Eve and you feel your conversations have been truthful, funny and insightful. Perhaps you find her charming and quirky...possibly even sexy. We're pleased that you have decided to apply for a relationship* with her.
We think she's great.
Please answer the following multiple-choice questions and attach them with your job history (including salary) and address.
*Applicants who live with their mother are automatically disqualified.
Question 1: What are your best qualities?
A. Ability to out-drink everyone at the party and not pass out in own vomit.
B. Backhanded compliments coupled with superiority complex.
C. Don't live with mother.
D. All of the above.
Question 2: Who is your ideal woman?
A. Martha Stewart
B. Mary-Kate and Ashley
C. Orlando Bloom
D. Paris Hilton
E. Eve
Question 3: When confronted with a stripper at a friend's bachelor party you
A. Say "don't tell my girlfriend"
B. Avoid her and keep pumping the keg.
C. Friend?
Question 4: Would you walk her dog without being asked?
A. Yes.
B. No.
C. I like cats.
Question 5: There is a sink full of dishes at Eve's house and she just made you a fabulous dinner. It is almost time for bed.
A. Wash the dishes.
B. Let the roaches do the hard work.
C. Watch her do the dishes.
Question 6: Eve gets a once-in-a-lifetime job in a non-cosmopolitan place (like Fargo, ND). You..
A. Help her pack, and drop her off at the airport.
B. Think seriously about moving.
C. Continue to play with your X-box.
Question 7: What do you collect?
A. Pictures of yourself.
B. Ex-girlfriends.
C. State plates.
D. Everything.
Question 8: All relationships involve compromise. Eve wants you to come over for Thanksgiving.
A. You are a humorless vegetarian.
B. You always spend Thanksgiving with your mother.
C. You've never gotten over playing the turkey in the school play.
Well, that's it. Great Job!
Eve will get back to you at her earliest convenience if you interest her in the slightest.
(But don't count on it.)
