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The Wrong Squid: Open throat on the open road
Shumai's (former? how do you refer to it when the band is broken up?) drummer "Frank" had three moods: hungry, sleepy, and whiny (about being hungry or sleepy). On tour, he would fall asleep in the van/car/covered wagon and upon awakening immediately start saying, "I'm hungry" and not stop saying it until we had stopped for food. So it seemed fortuitous that we had pulled off the road in the middle of the night and stayed in a crappy hotel next to an Iron Skillet that offered an all-you-can-eat breakfast bar.
There is all you can eat, and then, as though you are on the guest list, there is all you can eat +1. Guess which one "Frank" had?
As we were driving through Baltimore, I turned to Collin and asked if my eyes looked puffy, as they felt puffy. (I am sure the same conversation took place in KISS' van any number of times). She said "why don't you have 'Frank' rub ice on his balls and give you the 'Arabian goggles'?"
I heard coughing from the backseat. "Frank" was doubled over. Our bass player, Razzle, was playing a handheld video game. "Is he puking?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, not even looking up from the game. Apparently having packed his stomach to capacity, a tiny bit of laughter was all it took to open the floodgates, and there was now a flood of shitty powdered eggs and god knows what else all over the backseat. Do you want me to describe the smell? I didn't think so.
We got off at the next exit and had to drive for at least a half an hour until we found a gas station. (Apparently once you pass through Baltimore proper, it gets real boonie-ish really fast). We got whatever cleaning stuff they had and made "Frank" clean up after himself. Now the (rental) van smelled like puke and chemicals. We drove with the windows open for the next few days.
Now any time we are heading through the Baltimore area I always say, "hey, isn't this where 'Frank' puked?"
