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The Wrong Squid: A-doi!
So, my upstairs neighbors are total dipshits. Let me give you some examples.
So, the first one (let's call her Spoonman) moved in about a year ago. For several months, she kept trying to get into my apartment, thinking it was hers. There are only 3 floors to my building. How hard is it to figure this out? Go to the top of the stairs, then you are home. But it seriously went on for months. When you consider that she is a nurse who cares for extremely premature babies, her stupidity becomes terrifying. But anyway, once she finally learned that she lived on the third floor, I thought the problem was solved. Enter Mrs. Spoonman. One day it turns out Spoonman must have gone to Vermont and married a lady. Which I have no problem with. But Mrs. Spoonman immediately also began a several month reign of trying to get into my apartment thinking it was hers. And one day she actually succeeded, since apparently everyone's keys can open everyone else's apartments. So I went out that day and got new locks, assuming they would say, "Oh by the way, we got into your apartment by accident," but I never heard one word about it. Luckily I was sitting at home when it happened, so I knew.
Another good example is the Christmas trash pickup debacle. There is a schedule of all trash pickups in the city hanging in our lobby. It clearly states there is no pickup the week of Christmas. (Why this is, I don't know, but that's how it works). So the day after Christmas I see Spoonman, and she says "Are they coming to pick up the trash tomorrow?" I say no, there is no trash pickup the week of Christmas, and she replies, "So they're coming tomorrow?" I repeat what I said. She repeats what they said. This happens 5 times. Finally, I say "Whatever, maybe." An hour later I am napping, and she knocks on my door and says she has had surgery recently and can't lift, so could I bring her trash out when they come tomorrow. I am so groggy and unwilling to deal with her, that I say whatever and go back to sleep. Finally, the next day (Trash Day in Spoonman Land), Mrs. Spoonman comes home, and I try to explain what has happened. Her response is that she has lived in the city for many years, and has never heard of this. I say it's posted in the lobby, and she still acts like I'm being an asshole because I'm saying the city isn't going to get the trash. At this point I want to yell JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ALREADY YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS!, but end the conversation with, "Well that's what's happening, and that's why I didn't bring the trash out for Spoonman."
I'm going somewhere with this, but this is kind of long, so I'll continue it later.
