happyrobot tech time

Tech Tip of the week
if given the choice, always pick the floppy drive over the tape drive.

|| Ask Question ||

|| Tech Tips Archives ||

Happyrobot (formerly Tim ~~Tamara~~) Tech Time
is the award winning computer column from happyrobot. Reprinted and syndicated in hundreds of media outlets, our wealth of computer wisdom has made Happyrobot Tech Time the most popular place to find solutions to your computer problem.

If you would like Happyrobot Tech Time Support Staff to speak at your next conference or to act as consultants on your next project, contact us for details.

Need help with that AIM/AOL thing?

Creditentials
The ~~Tamara~~ happyrobot tech time staff has next to no experience in diagnosing computer problems, and has not a single degree in a computer related field from any of the top technical schools – or for that matter, any schools at all.
Not even DeVry.

Experience
The ~~Tamara~~ happyrobot tech time staff has not worked on any major operating systems or for any Fortune-500 companies. They have not ever been hired for cutting edge projects, including ones where the words ‘information technology’ or ‘application development’ might appear in the description.

What kind of computer runs this website?
-chipmunk
6/9/2008 12:36:21 PM [link]

At happyrobot we don't discriminate against religiously-minded folks, but we would like to assert that no big, omniscient "computer" made or runs this site.

This site began its evolution after the "big bang" when a handful of bytes were magnetically drawn together and began to multiply, evolving to what you now experience as "happyrobot".

There are some who believe that rich is pulling the strings on this production, but he merely writes the guidelines. The rest is natural law.

-adina

My PC is so ugly. Why can't they be pretty like the nice Apples computers I see in the stores?
-UGGGGY!
12/13/2007 10:32:35 PM [link]

Do people still make fun of Apple? I remember well everyone lining up to make fun of Apple. I remember your names, and I remember what you said.

About 15 years ago, my old mac looked like a beige pizza box, running System 7.1 with 8MB of RAM, and had more charm than your PC now, sorry. It's simply the difference between creating something with love and generosity, or cowering arrogance and disdain.
-john ball

What software do you use to make those funny pictures of cats with captions on them?
-t
8/1/2007 2:04:11 PM [link]

Very good question -t. The lol funny thing is, those pictures weren't created with software. They were discovered in 1949 by a shepherd searching for a stray ewe who had wandered into a sea cave thirty-five miles east of Odessa. Thousands of them, packed in a bevy of clay canisters. Scientists believe they are perhaps eleven hundred years old, created by an obscure, isolated religious sect, who could not live near populated areas, as people could not stand them. There are rumors that what the public has seen so far is only a small portion of what was found, and hundreds of images of turtles wearing funny hats and spewing stinging profanities have been kept hidden.

As to how they were made? Attempts at recreating the process have not met complete success, but the best regarded theory, to put it simply, is they were made with human hair.
-john ball

I'd like to do that "beam a song" thing with my new Zune mp3 player but I can't find anyone else who has a Zune. Should I just go back to cassettes?
-BG
7/23/2007 10:13:14 PM [link]

Ah yes, your generation was all about zune in, zurn on, zune out, weren't they, Grandpa?

These days, children effortlessly "beam songs" to one another at such a high frequency, it is completely undetectable to anyone over 30. What's more, they don't need platforms or software - they transmit their zunes using their brains in what can only be termed a genetic leapfrogging.

Fortunately, we at microsoft are in the process of developing a revenue model that will make profit from these brain-to-brain teen transmissions.

-adina

I want to install America Online in my new Apple MacBook.

How do I obtain a disk from AOL to accomplish this. I have an Apple E-Mac and use an American Online Platinum Premier Version 7.0 disk which works fine but I tried to install it on the MacBook and it was rejected.
-
3/1/2007 2:14:36 PM [link]

I'd first call AOL. Didja call them? That's what I'd do.

After you are off the phone with their fine customer service people, I'd sit down and think long and hard and ask yourself, "Do I really want AOL futzing up my shiny new MacBook?"
Look deep within. Really really deep. Deep.

I think you know the answer.
-rich

how do i get my laptop to process alcohol, specifically brown liquor from a thick bottomed glass? and while you're at it with your vast knowledge, is it time to meet for a late evening stumble after bites?
-extra bedroom guy
2/12/2007 5:56:06 PM [link]

It's lost. It's over and lost and all the things that you argued it would be if we left it to it's own.
These aren't hot house tomatoes. We aren't talking about the last cigarette in a crumpled red pack.

Is it time to meet? Son--it's the end of it all...there's not time to even die.
-jason

why is it every time i open aol music my broswer window shuts down?
-felicia
1/26/2007 12:18:50 AM [link]

Felicia, the long answer to your problem concerns what we at AOL have been saying since 1995. Whenever anyone calls our 1-800 line in Langley, Virginia (which bounces out to Bangalore) and asks, "What exactly is this Internet I've heard so much about?" And we say, "AOL is the Internet." And they ask, "This AOL CD you've mailed to my mailbox fifty times now, is that the Internet?" And we answer, "Yes, that AOL CD we mailed to your mailbox is the Internet you install on your computer."

Usually that's enough, and they subscribe, but the savvy ones ask, "Then why are AOL and the Internet different names? Why not one name?" And we answer, "They are one name. They mean the same thing." And that hooks them. They are usually elderly or feeble-minded sure, but that's our customer base.

The short answer, dear Felicia, is AOL lies to you, and their software sucks balls (and not in the nice way). That's why it crashes your broswer. They are probably doing it on purpose; they are that heartless.
-john ball

OK, me again. 1/3 of the time mac user.
Mac question.
When writing in a text box (i'm using firefox) there doesn't seem to be a way to get to the beginning of a line of text other than using the mouse or cursor keys.

For instance, on a dorky PC, I can hit the HOME button and it will pop my cursor to the far left of whatever line I am on. On a Mac, it does nothing. Is there a combination I am missing? CTRL + HOME? Funny Apple Key + HOME? Tilde + HOME?
Is there another way around this?
-I'm a Mac (sometimes)
1/24/2007 3:25:08 PM [link]

OK, you again, the answer is simple and elegant, like the shape of Steve Jobs's cheekbones. On a laptop keyboard, in Firefox, it's Apple key + left arrow to go to the beginning of a line, and Apple key + up arrow to go to the start of your block of text.

For myself, I prefer to call the Apple key the Command key, as in Command–Option–Shift–Click–You have a drinking problem.

-john ball

HI Tim,
I am dating a guy...only he has AOL and likes to use emoticons in his e-mail messages. He didn't even know that he could check his e-mail from any internets-connected computer. Should I even bother?
-louise
1/19/2007 5:17:54 PM [link]

I can answer this from (ahem) experience. Do not waste your time. Do not bother. The "quaintness" of his inexperience wears thin quickly. In short: Emoticons? NO!
-Eve

Is it me, or does my Mac sometimes forget how to cut and paste? It's very odd. I copy copy copy and then I go to paste, and nothing. Cut cut cut... paste. nothing.
-25% Mac User
1/16/2007 3:09:00 PM [link]

It's you. You forgot to select something first. How about a nice tie?

If that doesn't work, make sure your RAM and your scratch disk are adequate. I bet that's your culprit, or whatever application you're using is probably crashing, but you are simply too drunk to realize it.
-john ball

How Do You lInk Screennames?
-Can't Tell
1/15/2007 6:09:13 PM [link]

Last night
I saw a fire burning on
The palace lawn.
O'er the land
The humble subjects watched in mixed
Emotion.

Who is burnin'?
Who is burnin'?
Effigy.
Who is burnin'?
Who is burnin'?
Effigy.

Last night
I saw the fire spreadin' to
The palace door.
Silent majority
Weren't keepin' quiet
Anymore.

Who is burnin'?
Who is burnin'?
Effigy.
Who is burnin'?
Who is burnin'?
Effigy.

Last night
I saw the fire spreadin' to
The country side.
In the mornin'
Few were left to watch
The ashes die.

Who is burnin'?
Who is burnin'?
Effigy.
Who is burnin'?
Who is burnin'?
Effigy.

Why?
Why?
Why?
Effigy
-jason

How did I get railroaded out of position as lead detective in charge of technical question answering? Sure, it's been over a year since I answered a question. A call would have been nice. Tamara got let down nice and easy in a public setting - fountain, latex gloves, the whole nine yards. For God's sake, at least cross out my name to signify the bittersweet end has come to take me away.
-Tim
1/15/2007 5:09:54 PM [link]

The future is a cold and heartless lover, Tim. You should probably get used to it.
-pat