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"Hey you! Wit the funny hat. Come here you. I'm gonna punch you in the FACE!"
Generally, this is the kind of thing I want to say to people in bars. But I don't. Because I don't know Jiu-Jitsu.
Sometimes I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, and I'll hear some guy with a "wickhed bahstin" accent, and it'll be enough to send me into a rage. I'll want to smash my glass on the edge of the bar, look that towney in the face and say "can I get you a drink," as I slice through his esophagus with the shattered edge of my pint. I have never done this though. Alas, I do not know Jiu-Jitsu.
Jiu-Jitsu is the fighting style taught to the po-po for hand to hand combat. Like, you know, when there's some 14 year old hippy girl wearing a really cute turtle backpack and protesting the fact that some corporation is poisoning her drinking water, the pigs come down on that cunt with some bad ass Jiu-Jitsu, tie her up like only her daddy done and totally ruin her chance of getting into Vassar.
Jiu-Jitsu is also the fighting style which helped the Gracie family win the first couple of Ultimate Fighting Championships. Have you seen this shit? It's real, trust me.
Really, I'd be happy just to know a couple of submission holds or maybe how to bend peoples arms and legs the wrong way quick enough to avoid being hit myself.
So, I can't actually get it on my Amazon wish list, but if you need any more Christmas (christ-smash) ideas for me, go with the Jiu-Jitsu gift certificate, otherwise I may have to smash you in your fucking face!
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