I was reading in Psychology Today that, in any given relationship, there is only enough emotional space for one crazy person. Two is too many. Three is, of course, a given, crazy-wise.
Of course, that crazy person's gotta be me.
Not that I haven't tried. I have. Remember that alcoholic stripper I moved in with for a few months, the one with the steak knives? She was crazy (and a little on the dumb side, to be perfectly blunt, but you figured that, didn't you?). I tried so hard; I was a rock for few months. But then she didn't get any better and I got worse. As usual.
And then there was the sexually ambivalent girl. No, not ambiguous. Ambivalent. She had simultaneous and contrary attitudes and feelings towards sex in general. It wasn't a gender thing. Repulsion and attraction, all at once. Crazy.
So darling, I need you to pull your head out of the oven for a second. We gotta talk.
First, I want to say that no one is questioning your craziness. Quite the contrary. You're plenty crazy. Don't you worry your pretty little head over that. Crazier than me? Well, hell, sweetheart, that's hard to say. More dramatic, definitely. But how can you get crazier than a phallo-centric dice-obsessed mono-maniac with deepset family issues and a terminal Peter Pan complex? Not crazy, you say? Just eccentric? I guess that's up to you, but it feels pretty crazy to me. Anyway. We're not in a contest. There's enough crazy in this room right now for both of us.
Second, this radio you claim is in your head...what the hell is that? I almost get a feeling that you think it's cute and wacky and lovable and all, like some girl John Cusack would fall for in some bad movie. See, the thing is...it isn't cute. It scares me. When you hear voices, get your little "news bulletins," it freaks me out. Really. Freaks. Me. Out.
Third,...your obsession with castration. What the hell is that about? I can't even sleep anymore. I mean, fuck! You know exactly what I mean. What? I'm morbid? Well, sure, but Jesus, it's not the same thing! Besides, we already agreed; this isn't a contest.
And you're right. I'm crazy too. Very crazy. That's sorta my point. I just don't have any room in my life for someone crazier (fine: just as crazy) than me.
