Pre-operative Patient Instructions Your Health Service Provider would like to remind you of the following guidelines before your surgery to make your procedure efficient and also to cover our asses..you know, just in case.
1. Pre-registration will be via telephone at the most inconvenient time for you. Actual registration will be upon arrival and will be completely redundant. 2. It is in your best interest to bring a copy of your Living Will if you have one, even if you are only having minor surgery or something "looked at". 3. Do not eat anything after midnight the night before your surgery. 4. You may have clear liquids or black coffee until 6AM the morning of your surgery, then nothing by mouth. [ed. vodka is not included in the clear liquids list] 5. Parking will be validated (no charge).[ed. thanks. really.] 6. Avoid wearing nail polish, make-up or elaborate hairdos. All hairpins and body jewelry must be removed before surgery. 7. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO TAKE THE BUS HOME.
The things they don't tell you. 1. Clean the bathroom because you won't have use of your right hand for two weeks, easy. 2. That laundry....yeah, that too. 3. Wash the dog.
The only thing I have to figure out is how to create an elaborate hairdo. Wish me luck.