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CELEBRITY E-METER DIARY ENTRIES, VOL. 3 - excerpts
Dear Diary-uh,
I had such a level "AWWW" experience with T.C. yesterday! After being whisked away in his private jet (: or as HE makes me call it, "The Vorton Conduction Pod" ***melt*** ;), then transferrring to a special 2-seater modified Hummer (: whoops, I meant to say "Teegeeack Reconnaisance Motivator" :) and THEN to a remote spot in a ultra-romantic dry lake bed in New Mexico for some "alone" time. Get it?
Well, I sure got it, because it turns out we weren't alone at ALL, as I was to find out! That sweet man took me all the way out in the middle of nowhere just to get down on one knee, and through those gleaming teeth he told me "My remaining Thetans no longer have power over me, and I have to let you know that tomorrow, on Jay Leno, I plan on exposing that you not longer have Chris Kline's nano-Thorntrex unicells within you any longer, which means that YOU, K.H., are free to engage in Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens love rituals with me upon the hour of my choosing. And I choose now, K.H."
Just then, a ring of crackling pink-white light shone from the sky, and we were surrounded by the magneto-spirit of L. Ron and his mighty minions, bathing us in approval as T.C. took my hand, led me to a special dip in the ground, and examined all my pores for ancient nano-beings that the spectral horde would then eradicate with a vibrating plasma truncheon. It was awesome! ;) I think the desert is awesome to. And aliens are also alsome as well, cuz, well, we're them too! So they said "bye" and we went back to our wonderful engagement date.
The ride back to the plane was a little weird tho. It was like T.C. wanted to say something to me, but he wasn't sure what...then, with that little smile of his upon his perfectly stubbled pecker (I mean the one he kisses with, Pacey! lol)...he turned to me and said, WORD-FOR-WORD: "I feel the need...the need, for SPEED" One word: WHEEE! And I thought the Batmobile from my upcoming movie was fast! BATMAN'S BACK is gonna rule! I hope T.C. blesses the cast and crew of every movie ever made about made-up people getting hurt, so they don't get so hurt! I'm so lucky to have the most wonderful man in the whole aetherial galactic subquadrant of Xenu's great wisdomfold as my fiance! And to think that we're all descended from clams and barnacles. I still hope he wasn't like getting cold feet or anything, and just had to methodize into his role of Tom Maverick to handle it. OT IIs can be weird like that, but I guess I'll find out when I turn 27...
So, I thought maybe there'd be a ring or something when he engaged to me human-style, but I guess he'll pull me out on Leno tomorrow night and give me one there! Wow, I can't wait to get post-partem depression and not get adequate medical attention from delivering our babies onto this plane! No wonder Nic wanted to adopt (I'll have to send her a "thankyou for divorcing T.C." E-card!
I miss Wilmington and Pacey, but those days are gone and now I'm in Hollywood. And I'm almost Mrs. T.C., which means I'll also be Mrs. Most Important Person who Has Ever Been Born! Kewl!*!*!*!*
Ok, so, I'll say that today I'm a documented Level 5, E-zone 12 Fixed Sexness Female terra-based unit ribovag posessor in feeling zone 53. And my assistant just brought me a maple munchkin signed "I HEART T.C."!!!!! I do! I do! I do! I do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
L8R,
K8E
;>
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