poop beetle: Halloween 10.2003 My last trick or treat costume was Nun. At the time I didn't consider the idea that it could be my last. I can't remember how old I was 10 or 12. Nobody warns you that this will probably be your last year. If I'd known, I might have done it up right- something incredibly cool. Maybe still a Nun- but maybe a Zombie Nun- or a Super Hero Nun or a Possessed Nun, with fake vomit or vampire teeth.
I was really proud of the Nun idea. I came up with it around dusk of that particular Halloween. Other girls my age were doing the princess/cheerleader/Miss USA/ sexpot thing. I was going for clever, "better than you", irony. None of us thought it would be our last.
As a teenager, I never had any fun with Halloween. I don't know any woman-child that did. T.V. and Urban Legend has it that 13 and on up young men get to do nutty toilet paper, rotten egg things- they wandered around in the middle of the night- beautiful, suburban, full moon nights. But girl-kids don't. Everything starts getting freaky when you're too old to trick or treat.
I can't remember why I didn't go out. My parents would have asked "where are you going and why?" I couldn't tell them- "begging for free candy" - not with a straight face, and newly developed breasts.
I love Fall. I love Halloween. I love walking at night down the middle of dark, empty suburban streets.
But I don't like to be scared. Scary- in loose chronic logical order from my first memories on:
Clowns Vampires Pirates Ghosts My step-father's grandmother's fake eye Satan Humiliation A Boring Life Never Being Worthy of Love Home Invaders The electric bill The IRS Debt My Kids Lead Paint Hopelessness Failure Car Wreck Brain Tumor
But Halloween isn't about Scary, is it? It's about being in the dark and wearing costumes that you forget about till you go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and are surprised by how cool and different you look. You could be the scarecrow, or the disenfranchised homeless field worker. Who'd know? Who'd care?
More things to be afraid of:
Rats Falling off a ladder and breaking your hip and lying alone for hours Rude receptionists The Police Salmonella Being toyed with and dismissed Anger, Irritation, Responsibility and Love . . .
Update: I woke up this morning and thought of a bunch more. But todays Halloween!
