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Teen News: Technicolor Yarns
So I ran into an old friend from the neighborhood on the subway this morning, and after we got through telling each other what we had been up to recently, the discussion took the usual turn to the world of vomit. Here are two stories she related to me that I found endlessly amusing...
1) One day she got a stomach flu at work that hit her fast and hard. After a hearty barf into the garbage can at her desk, she felt much better and thought she could get through the rest of the day without further incident. Soon after, she was nauseous again, and she decided she should probably go home. She hops in a crowded elevator and her mind starts filling with horrible images of having to throw up on the subway. Then the nausea kicks in full-speed while she's still in the elevator. No! Not gonna barf in a crowded elevator! So she hits the button for the next floor and gets out, stepping into the lobby of a highly reputable bridal magazine just in time to create an impressionist masterpiece all over the rug in the reception area! The receptionist sees this and luckily takes immediate pity. "Oh, you poor thing! Are you alright?" Friend nods yes and, while the receptionist keeps a healthy distance and goes for help, friend makes a hasty escape via the stairway.
Every now and then she sees this receptionist in the building, and said receptionist gives her curious looks. "Hey, you're the girl who abandoned her vomit in my lobby". Puke and run, if you will.
2) Her friend was in a public place once and was standing next to some guy who looked like Kid Rock. Out of nowhere Kid Rock became nauseous and, in a panic, held his empty water bottle to his mouth in an attempt to vomit into it. Of course, the hole in the bottle was very tiny, and the puke just wound up spraying outward in all directions, much like a garden hose when you put your thumb over the end. A good bit of vomit made its way onto the shirt of my friend's friend, who then had to go home that way.
Bonus story from my own archive:
3) I was riding the train home one night, and at the stop before mine, the doors opened to reveal a man and a woman sitting close to each other on a bench on the platform. The man was well-dressed, suit & tie, and as I watched he leaned forward and just produced an incredible amount of hot lunch onto the floor in front of him. The woman gave an expected look of disgust and got up to move to the opposite end of the bench. The man sat back up, mouth slightly agape, and just looked over at the now-distant woman with a look of "Sorry". Then the subway doors closed like stage curtains, bringing to a close this lovely New York diorama.
There are several other great round-trip meal ticket induced stories I just remembered, but maybe later.
