You don't know me, but you soon will. I fear that Matt Johnson has not informed you of the responsibilities of being the Matt Johnson replacement.
I will not bog you down with great detail, but I have to kick you in the balls.
You, personally, have done nothing to deserve this - but unfortunately, you will be bearing the brunt of the punishment for the misdeeds of Mathew Allen Johnson.
I am very sorry, but I must do what I must do.
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