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feels like the time I wrote on 9/12 (after the 9/11).
a shift.
all change.
like 2000
and I personally am more accustomed to them as earthquakey as they are due to my own internal earthquakes and circles around the sun.
a patriarchy. all the actors white men.
and the women who will wield them (is that what you think when trees die and mothers birth unwanted children to a mad world tossing them at fences and meat cow-killing jobs with no choice - no choice for all and billionaires to rescue us through their puppets - another Reagan another Jimmy)
and here we dance.
yesterday - the crooks assassin day - felt fucked up. I was in a no-spend day (enough to make horrible cinnamon sugar biscuits with the few ingredients I had on hand to avoid spending and to satisfy my carb/sugar craving)
but I couldn't be alone.
I wanted to be with people.
so I went to the Mex place for my beer and guac/salsa and company. it's my weekend place. the pub is my Wed-Fri option. and money I'm conserving.
but seeing the near miss of that bullet.
THAT was WHACKED.
it jars one. it knocks you into a different reality.
shit shifts.
at the mexpub however, they were setting up for an event.
I mean, when I crashed in 2000.
it was my first deepest cut. I always go religious and thought I'd become enlightened or found god. it was hard and humiliating, and I thought our country was in tragic pivot point, and as we all know - I voted for Bill because I wanted Al - the man who volunteered for a war other Senator's sons avoided AND he had written a book on the environment. i. WAS. ALL IN. and I STILL blame fucking Clarence Thom for that. he betrayed the trees man. he betrayed the oceans. now, we're fully in Reagan-built dystopia. Yet know thy puppet. Know thy Zeitgeist. Me?
It feels like going to the episocapol church today.
the next cut, I lost my soul. I lost a soul's mate.
and I just HAD to Icarus.
so, I shot my wad on a turd bet.
it also killed me to leave Wilmington later...
there's a cliff in my life for 2026. I suppose I'll join us. and gratefully call my mom.
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