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Christian people are ... always suspect to me. I mean I guess my grandmother was a nice, Christian lady - yet she was a total bigot and set in her ways. I love her, and I hope that I'm different than her. I recognize my own stubbornness and implicit racism. Yay for me.
So, it was interesting to go to her old church - which is a 10 minute walk from my new abode. Sure, it was the usual - old as shit people and lots of singing, yet I was shocked that the collection plate didn't go around once. Shocked! That had been my largest complaint: "the God I believe in isn't short of cash mister" and all that.
And there I was grinning like a sanctimonious jackass throughout the whole ordeal. It was really more like site-seeing to me. Could I imagine myself BELIEVING and when they sang a song about being bathed in the blood of the lamb then white as snow I was like "god this is primitive"... I did it. It was also a social experiment to me. Putting myself out there instead of hiding in my home.
Last night, I said out loud because I can scream out loud if I want to: "I want to be an artist. I want people to know me. I want to be my self." blah blah. We've all heard it many times
Did I tell you at the goodbye party in cali the beautiful newlywed bride loved my art. It made me happy and cautious. Anything kind and good will always come fucking crashing - especially if you get your hopes up. Maybe I'll paint today. I have a few provisions, but I didn't ship the supplies Kent gave me - asshole that I am. Now to rebuy everything and hope that the needle goes up on the finances - the usual.
And God. Every time I'm in a church I'm always like "really"?
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