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tim!: Alternate endings to the fable, Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer
2003
Instead of just toeing the line for Santa, Rudolf grabs the nearest elf and makes for the door. Confronted by his fear of doors, he is easily captured and illegally jailed on a nearby tropical island that is inaccessible to anyone not privy to Santa's inner circle, not even his Elk lawyer, and certainly not to any of the vacationing capitalist hoards.
Noting that neither Santa nor any of the other hags who betrayed him on the playground have offered even one shred of evidence of an apology, Rudolf begins to conceal his pain and looks to his Christian upbringing for support. Finding nothing useful in his faith to help him through this crisis, our red-nosed friend takes up arms with a local militant group of polar bears and Jehovah witnesses and begins to plan an invasion on Santa's summer home in The Hamptons.
After all the presents have been delivered and the songs have all been sung, Rudolf, in classic passive-aggressive form, spikes the last of the eggnog with lots and lots of Tylenol, which can be really hard on the liver, especially when drinking has been afoot.
Seeing a chance to be part of the in-crowd, Rudolf laughs along with the rest of them (including his father), hoping that one day his anger will subside. All of the poor behavior on the group's part is forgiven as a snowman with Burl Ives' voice sings to us. Oh sorry, this is the actual ending of the story. Nice and clean for the Network.
Rudolf turns to the camera as the party churns on, and reminds us in his Reindeer way, that we should treat each other well, especially the "mature" adults, not only during the Holidays, but all year long. Suddenly realizing the raw deal he just got, our hero picks up a Tech-9 machine gun, altered for automatic capability and fitted with an adapter for cloven animals and proceeds to clear the room of all living things, except for his possibly homosexual, dentist/elf friend and for Mrs. Claus, who never did nuthin' to nobody.
Have a holly, jolly Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa everyone!
