Lordy, them rings.

Mrs. Film & TV Rights was invited to a screening of the new Lord of the Rings. She'd ignored the two earlier movies, and planned on doing the same for this one, but at a recent social gathering, our ubergeek friends were talking excitedly about the films (having just watched a four-hour DVD of the Two Towers), and since I'd enjoyed 1 and 2, she thought she'd give it a chance and take me to the free screening. Neither of us had read Tolkien, so, of course, we had to catch up by watching Ring 1 and Ring 2. That night I brought home the DVD of LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring. She made it all the way through to Mount Doom. I was very proud of her.

Our pillowtalk that night consisted of the following (I'm paraphrasing):

Mrs. FTR: Tell me again who made the ring?
Mr. FTR: The big evil guy, not the wizard, you know, the red eye guy, Shalamar.
Mrs. FTR: Sulaman?
Mr. FTR: I think that's the wizard. The white haired one.
Mrs. FTR: Not the nice pipe smoker?
Mr. FTR: Right.
Mrs. FTR: Why did red eye need the ring if he was so powerful to begin with?
Mr. FTR: Because it ruled over the other rings.
Mrs. FTR: But why did he make all the other rings--why not just the one?
Mr. FTR: I don't think he made all the other rings. Shalamar slipped it in with the others.
Mrs. FTR: Then who made the other rings?
Mr. FTR: I don't know, I think the elves. They explained all this in the first minute of so.
Mrs. FTR: But the elves only had three rings. The humans had nine. I don't think the elves could have made them. Maybe god made them. And why did there have to be two elf cities. There was the dark-haired-elf-city and the blonde-haired-elf-city. The blonde ones were scarier don't you think?
Mr. FTR: Maybe.
Mrs. FTR: They should have stayed in the dark-haired-elf-city.
Mr. FTR: I think the second elf city were followers of the Lady of the Woods. She was an independent elf. Like a cult. I bet there were a lot of elf cities. And anyway--the Matrix Elf said they were leaving "this realm." So there'd be no more elves in dark-haired-elf-city.
Mrs. FTR: Where were they going?
Mr. FTR: Some other realm. The West Coast maybe.
Mrs. FTR: And what was the difference between hobbits and dwarves?
Mr. FTR: Dwarves are more violent. Hobbits have hair on their feet, like paws.
Mrs. FTR: (Laughing) No they don't.
Mr. FTR: They do. You didn't see their feet?
Mrs. FTR: No. I don't understand how all those dwarves in the underground city could have been killed. It was genocide.
Mr. FTR: Maybe some got away. The Orcs and Goblins were killing everything--because of Shalamar.
Mrs. FTR: What were those big monsters in the mucus cocoons--the cross between Orcs and Goblins?
Mr. FTR: Zitherman or something.
Mrs. FTR: They should have been called Gorcs, or Orblins.
Mr. FTR: Right.
Mrs. FTR: Did you notice the Hobbits all had curly hair?

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