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Dear __________,
Happy New Year!
So sorry it took me longer than expected to get this note in the mail. I hope the new year gives you all that you hope for--I understand that most of you are involved in some sort of reality television programming, so do let me know when your particular episode or series airs. Mrs. FTR and I will be remodelling our kitchen at some point this year--hopefully for one of the four HGTV channels--as those guys and gals can do wonders with some poster board, bubble wrap, a splash of paint and a staple gun.
I finally quit smoking this year, since we're expecting a bundled baby of joy any moment now. It seemed like an unwanted behavior to leave the birth to go light up, so I stopped. I know, I know--you've heard I've quit ten times before, but this is different, as it makes eleven, which, as everyone knows, is a number. It's interesting to report that my senses have quickly returned and seem heightened, (smell, taste, etc.)--I'd forgotten how much everything in my daily life stinks, and how unbearably annoying my co-workers's voices sound. But hey, it's better than dying. Right?
Baby names. Well, thanks for all the many suggestions. We don't know the gender, but hopefully we'll find out sometime after the baby's born. Right now, we're torn between a few family names and names we like the sound of. If it's a boy, we're told by my relatives that unless I name the child Johnson Duplessy Baldridge VII, there is a chance I'll be cursed with some sort of psoriasis--family lore passed down since the time of Johnson Duplessy Baldridge the 1st, who made his fortune selling ointments from the back of a mule cart, and as you may know, was a signer of the Declaration of an Eventual Declaration, one of the early documents of Colonial America indicating a willingness to eventually declare something. Our other name option is Brothel--which is a fine French-sounding name. If we're blessed with a girl, unless I'm mistaken, current law dictates we choose Dakota or Sierra. Although I disagree with this forced naming practice, as Nebraska has a nice sound, or perhaps, Asbury Park.
I hope we get to see you this year in __________, and that ________ is well. If by chance we're ever forced to leave Manhattan, well, we'll see you then!
Much love,
John D. Baldrige VI (John Ball)
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