2001:June:19
2001
Although in general, I'm in a rare mood of exuberance (and I would hesitate to tell you otherwise as Rich tells me people think I'm too morose and bitter), I'm a bit saddened as well. Last night I called my stepfather who my mother had said was longing to speak to me (although I'm not sure why. Our conversation repeated four or five times "Soooo what are you up to?"). She is in Washington DC for a long weekend, so my stepfather felt free to tell it like it is. As a little context: my mother and stepfather live a life that is very much anathema to me. I once innocently had the task of entertaining both of them while they were visiting me. I didn't have the usual sister/Mark/aunt/Mark's mom/family friend, etc to be extra buffer. That long, excruciating afternoon, I truly realized how little in common my mother and stepfather share. Now let me tell you, they have a 22 year marriage and are in no danger of divorce, and they are really cute when we're all together and everyone's had a glass of wine or two. But (you knew there was a butt), they have one of those upper middle class, Atlanta marriages where it's a constant battle to keep up with the Jones'. MONEY is paramount and surface is everything (my stepfather actually said last night that buying my mother that BMW SUV was the best thing he's ever done because she gets so much attention because of it). It's none of my business, but they seem truly spiritually empty. My mother's activities are shopping and reading books. My stepfather's are watching tv, working long hours at work, working on the house obsessively (I mean in the 20 years I've known him, there has always been a major project going on with whatever house we lived in. Either that or he was in a major depth of depression). Sure, they look at me and see a poverty stricken bohemian. It's all relative. Anyway, as I've wizened, I've come to realize that I'm similar in temperament to my mother. As much as she confounds me, in a way, observing her and my sister has made me go in the exact opposite direction, and I am truly satisfied with that. Enough of CONTEXT, so Terry (his name) is talking on the phone with me. I really like him. Basically, he's just a very insecure person and that makes him the way he is. He speaks of how my mother just sits around all day, reads, shops, gets jealous, has no business sense (he's about to open a new car dealership), is bored, boring, and smothering. (Yes, I'm already manning the ramparts so this won't happen to my marriage - hopefully). In fact, that's just it, my mother has no motivation - nothing. She's just retired from teaching and has nothing. She and her husband aren't great friends (although they'll tell you they're best friends). Terry doesn't have the ability to help her. I've noticed her sliding into a more and more pouty, whiny, petty, manipulative person. This might be where she stays. She has such nice raw material though. I've tried to convince her to go hippie a little bit (yoga, salons, volunteerism), but it doesn't fit in that Atlanta society she's in so she just give me lip service. She's really much more complex than she lets on. She's just stifled and doesn't even know it. So anyway, last night Terry asked me to help get her out of his hair. That made me very sad. There's really no point to any of this. I'm just unloading on my computer and then I'll hit some buttons, click some mouses and it will be there for anyone with internet access to read.
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