2001:September:15
2001
I was just writing to let you know that I'm a bit healed. I've started a way that helps me. I won't print what I do, but let's just say it takes the piss out of the Walmart Americans AND has humor.
I'm kind of over what I was going to write here. I'm just about to watch a dvd of farscape. I think I was about to tell you that I did something brave just now on the phone AND that as a married smartish woman, it is sooooooooooo much fun to have fantasies in your head once in a while.
We were yick yacking last night in Mike's Parisian garret. We got to talking about (by the way, my way of dealing with the terrorist shock was being used all night. We all laughed.) taking a break from marriage. We were in the Carolina's talking about how that was where jungle had his famous, ultimate, single man heydey. Mark bitched about never having one. I said he could have one in a couple of years: a year or two vacation from marriage. As long as we knew we'd come back to each other, I had no problemo. It was funny because I said, "don't get pissed if I fall in love though". He was like "Don't get pissed if I f- thirty women." It was funny because we were in a way making fun of men and women's "mars venus" stereotype. Of course he'd be super pissed to lose my heart. It would be a million times more devastating that sex. What's IS generally true about men is that they don't seem to ever realize that. They seem to think that it's the sex that's the rub... until it happens to them....
Anyhoo, so it's a perfect fall 69ish degree day. We've got the screen open (our other winders are painted shut). I was just thinking to write you about a feeling I had that I thought was sooooooo hilariously selfish:
For a person married to their soulmate, life still gets a bit unspicy. Not NEARLY unspicy enough to fall in love with other people and such.... but fanticizing is not off limits. It is soooooo nice to be high, sit in my amazing backyard, listen to the constant breezes from the former hurricane... ahhhhh. It is so funnily naughty to fanticize about having someone profoundly in love with you and can't have you. I mean. I fanticized about that just now!!!! I'm the end sometimes. The living end!
See, you too can heal too. Don't let the terror mongers steal what makes life worth living.
P.S. I'm not even going to think about going back to the top and editing what I wrote so that it makes more sense to you. I've got Mark to kiss on the hammock and then immediately, I'm turning Farscape on.
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