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bro. I'm kind of tired from writing so much dirge, but wanted to whip your note out before I head off to virtual work.
You're a cool dude. Own up for what you did and apologize - and I think maybe all your demons might go away - just a theory. We never really got apologies in our family, so I know it's hard - but why not just go "that thing I did? I'm so ashamed, but I want you to know I'm sorry".
And cutting your kids out of your tiny will is a 'fuck you' too far. Don't let your wife (who has many many good qualities and I love) poison you. Where the fuck even are her kids - at least yours are around. One of the reasons I'm offing myself is thinking that if it's between me and homelessness like uncle bobby, I'd have to hold my hand out to live in your house. God in heaven that would be a shitshow of shame for me (and you're welcome to take offense).
I loved hanging out with you. For me and my part, you were nothing but my hero - always ready to do a round of spinning when I was a kid. thanks for the lefties and thanks for being so cool. don't forget me, and I'm so sorry I was so sensitive and weird.
"wish you were were" by Pink Floyd
I love you. thank you for being there for me, and I know you would...
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