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the tiny little birds scavenge on her driveway. now, they all fly away but two frozen ones. It doesn't matter. There's no food there anyway.
the orange cat was inside the house and she was going to go awful careful not to go into an abyss of 'what's the point' based on her latest performance on the stage of virtual connection. she'd been dumped, and it took up all the prior space in her head which had been that she'd made poor decisions.
she was going to try to pull herself out of the hole today. She had already been on a mini-walk - maybe a bigger one. it was everything she had ever asked for and so beyond lonely. it was comparatively more lonely having lost a potential while at the same time having a "have a nice day" spare. it made everything so pathetic. she had talked about the dessert - she had been wanting to use him as an excuse to eat it. she remembered all the millions of times she had called in mental health sick from actually going in to an office in California - one which she could practically see from her front yard. She called these moments "life vertigo" - remembering things so far away and her mother was alive.
he definitely wasn't going to distract her and she had already used up her last piaster borrowed with the other. it was time to read mystery books alone in Mexican restaurants.
accepting what is felt like a noose to her. she recalled the days of waking up after the divorce separation so panicked and shell-shocked. things had to be better now although she did the same things she always had - walked and wrote and tried to hold on.
sacrosanct sweet nothings in her inner ear mysteries...
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