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Who do I have to sleep with to get this snow to stop falling?
(2/2/2014-2/9/2014)
Odorous Father Snow (26%)
Clingy Sister Winter (26%)
Attractive Mother Nature (24%)
Stu (posing in photo with sword) (24%)



So far my January has been
(1/26/2014-2/2/2014)
Boner chili (40%)
Bam! Chupacabra! (40%)
Bone chilling (10%)
Bonne Chile (10%)



New Years Resolution I've already given up on
(1/19/2014-1/26/2014)
Getting drunk and smoking crack (69%)
Being hard on crime (15%)
Loving too much (8%)
Loving too little (8%)



Which Downton Abbey character are you?
(1/12/2014-1/19/2014)
Kicked by Jackie Chan (uncredited) (46%)
Female Cop Pulling Over Lamborghini Babes (31%)
J. J. McClure (8%)
Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing (8%)
Captain Chaos (8%)



How you know I'm wicked cool!
(1/5/2014-1/12/2014)
My fedora (43%)
My e-cigarette (29%)
My trench coat (29%)



New Years Resolutions I've already broken
(12/29/2013-1/5/2014)
Tighter pants 24-7 (36%)
More punching or less punching. I forget which. (27%)
Stop peeing in the yard (18%)
Eat more leafy greens (18%)
(0%)



Who won the WAR on CHRISTMAS?
(12/22/2013-12/29/2013)
Rabble-Rousers (57%)
Media Elite (14%)
Bible Thumpers (14%)
The Gays (14%)



What color is Santa?
(12/15/2013-12/22/2013)
Tabby (56%)
Plaid (19%)
White (12%)
Black (6%)
Egg Shell (6%)



What type of Christmas Tree are we getting?
(12/8/2013-12/15/2013)
Fire Retardant (60%)
Prickly (20%)
Needle-some (10%)
One from the NSA (10%)
(0%)



December Already?
(12/1/2013-12/8/2013)
Where'd July go? (40%)
Still full with turkey. (40%)
I hope I can get some savings on gifts for my family (20%)



America's Favorite Thanksgiving Side Dish
(11/24/2013-12/1/2013)
Creamed Walmart Employees (50%)
Marshmallow-topped Nuclear Option (17%)
Baked Yams & Racists (17%)
Bacon-wrapped Gun Toters (17%)



The health insurance I just applied for
(11/17/2013-11/24/2013)
Catastrophic Health Insurance Plan (Stunt Bike version) (69%)
High Deductible Health Plan for Ghosts (15%)
Personal Alligator Biting Insurance (15%)



I love the colors of autumn
(11/10/2013-11/17/2013)
Hiding dog poop orange (60%)
Trash strewn yellow (30%)
Small Ziploc bags red (10%)



Why the bears keep raiding the trash cans in my parents yard
(11/3/2013-11/10/2013)
Bears love skim milk cartons (44%)
Bears love the leftovers of people who raised smart-assed children (33%)
Bears love low sodium food (11%)
Bears love Wheaties (11%)



What I'm going to be for Halloween
(10/27/2013-11/3/2013)
Colonel Sanders' sexy twin brother (79%)
Ironic sexy costume (7%)
Something with a cape (7%)
Ironic scary costume (7%)



Yummy! My favorite flavor of coffee drink has been released for autumn!
(10/20/2013-10/27/2013)
Garter snake (33%)
Sudafed & lemon tea (33%)
Dried leaf & slug (17%)
Pine needle (17%)



What will happen if we hit the debt ceiling
(10/13/2013-10/20/2013)
The upstairs neighbors will complain (33%)
Something about China (33%)
We'll leave a mark on the debt ceiling (17%)
We'll muss our hair up (17%)



The least missed National Park closed during the government shut down
(10/6/2013-10/13/2013)
Racist Squirrel National Park (40%)
Dirty Hands Food Truck National Park (30%)
Trash Beach National Park (10%)
Grand Army Plaza Traffic National Park (10%)
The Super WalMart Parking Lot National Park (10%)



Things screamed at me by irate French people (all somewhat true)
(9/29/2013-10/6/2013)
"Your snail eating skills are quite good!" (45%)
"You're driving style is admirable!" (27%)
"Please pet my puppy!" (18%)
"Do you find it odd how almost moderate the prices are!" (9%)



What I'm doing instead of making Weekly Poll questions
(9/22/2013-9/29/2013)
Eating cheese and drinking wine and wearing a beret (43%)
Eating cheese (29%)
Eating cheese and drinking wine (29%)




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