|
of course. the carpe diem motto
and then one day it's all gone and you have something real to
cry about
how lucky I am that I have my mom to whinge about if she doesn't understand me.
walk man is passing by in his yellow pants.
they don't quite exactly match my j.crew yellow vest.
I'm getting older
it's pronounced like a rubicon
I can't pretty girl privilege at all anymore.
this is where I live. all my outside plants are dead. it's a bit of a heart break
i'be become more brazen.
here comes walk man for his second round.
these stolen years - with my parental until for 47 years - still on the scene and rocking.
this cat. I'll have to deal with it.
there's a cox man outside fiddling with wires
I kicked my cat out this morning
and I am utterly grateful for the small window of winter safety.
it's been surreal for the week, and I'm glad I get to say goodbye.
I think orangey is someone else's cat. I don't feed him food. that would be stealing. he lives.
he's a young. boy.
I worry about all the times I was a cat owner. what I did right and wrong.
I'm not pleased at what happened with edith. I wish her cancer could have been caught much earlier. I wish I wasn't so sad and wounded with her. she died in my arms. I'm wearing the sweater.
it was so horrible, and I miss here and wish she were here now, but bringing on another life form to my circus - hmmm. yet it sleeps with me almost every night and I make it go out every morning.
what do I need to be alive?
purpose and people
purpose is somewhat easier with a cat - now you have a lifelong relationship.
--
her fingers are cold.
the landscape is bleak.
all the bees are gone. the cock man gets in a bucket to climb the wires to get someone internet - the yellow panted man walks by again.
she thinks she will go mad eventually, and she also walks. hers is a yellow vest. she worried it will begin to get dirty or worn and she won't replace it and she'll become one of those - one of those old poor frugal folks invisible and alone trying to get by - with a cat.
and she won't want to ask anyone for help.
but that's how you survive.
you make a choice on what you allow into your life
including guilt and shame and you appreciate
knowing no one has gifted you five more minutes of it.
I'm sitting at the corner window of a former wood. the cox man has safety yellow on.
She would have been there opening hour if it had come to that.
she has poor boundaries with the orange cat.
every time it wants in she gives in to it
it's cold.
she's lonely.
scratch scratch.
|
