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In Athens of ancient, I've told you before (hello me) that they had white/red/black (very Deutsch) for the colors that represented women: white for pre-bleeding. Red - is it not obvious, and black for done.
crone.
here it comes, and lucky not
dead.
let's say.
I would have been an older member of team red. it still surprises me, oh you again. THAT's why I ate ice cream like my life called for it yesterday. or more often, oh that's why I wanted to die and thought everyone hated me.
Let's do.
another prop has occupied my time, and I've made a feeble instep to visit territory I had known I would revisit but yet I did not think to yet venture.
what's a simpler way to say that?
I have complicated feelings and am about to revisit a place where I became
kristen
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Back to Athens - Slipping Back to Third
surely, the campus will be the same the hippocampus
surely the library will.
what was the most pivotal for her is an area not many would point to - she had a lot of ghosts on Mitchell street.She had never ever ever thought she was going to marry him. He was too young. She was too young, and when she broke up with him, she's told you before - she said the crushing true words "fuck chuck, what do you think, we were 18 years old when we met, do you think we're soulmates? maybe after we try other people, we'll come back together and it will work - but for now - we're way too young."
he went on to marry the SECOND person he dated. She went on to explore and revisit Kent and what it all meant by the deja vu at the bridge of sanford stadium that made her so tingle. she wanted to recapture a magic that was gone, but she was young and she didn't yet know dead horses can't be beaten into moving to your command.
she was going to have to carry the load herself.
yet, for a brief year, she and chuck lived in this little apartment on milledge avenue with the highest of ceilings. she cries a bit now stepping into it - the innocent red-headed drummer and the innocent dyed-red headed mystic baby. They loved each other for a time to the exclusion of all other people in their orbits. He was the second male who had ever let her taste the power of what it was like to truly be lusted.
a tear runs down her LIII face.
She was likely 20 when she moved in with Chuck to their cute yellow house and dreams. She always walked, but he took the bus to classes.
She loved to meander in the neighborhoods, walk a different way. She seemed to recall the Tree that owned itself being almost ubiquitous in her life. She sobs as she writes that these were times when she dreamed...
"one day, I'll be a famous writer, in love with the most fascinating kind man and I'll travel the world on charity missions to give women the right to choose and be on international peace boards and my loved spouse and I will be so secure and totally loved unconditionally mutually that I can be alone on the shore of South Africa and know that he thinks of me too...."
She got vapid encouragement from teachers to be a writer, and she burnished in her soul. She kept it in the same place as the "I've never tested a child with a higher IQ in the entire county."
What did it all mean.
She was crazy, but then she just was.
And fucking god this creature was beautiful.
she couldn't imagine what it must have looked like. everyone knows she adored a fire crotch, and chuck was her first. it was very very very very very very very hard in those days to separate the father from sex - particularly orgasm, yet she's hoping their were moments when she made love to him all beautiful shimmer magic.
red team
go
and they went to state parks almost every weekend in his burgundy barrette car. Mostly, they went alone but they probably often brought friends. Chuck was like Mark - establishing a pattern for her: she liked the smart secretly depressed secret leaders of their social circle. She loved that she was the most important person to the king.
It gave her a little of her lost power back.
Yet, this was external validation wasn't it children? vampire sucking blood. gods demanding fealty.
she loved house making for her self. She loved that he loved her enough to let her do whatever. He was the youngest child with two sisters of a super cool mother. He knew women. He sharted on the bus once and immediately told her about it. She wet her pants once when they were returning from one of their camping gigs. She also had her first grease fire with a plume of smoke to the ceiling. She was safe. She felt loved. They collected baseball cards and went to baseball and basketball games together (never football)
Kristen would break his heart later. She would become narcissi. but here, in this moment, they were that golden time - junior year of college - all the possibilities one could handle. She even considered changing to comp lit after that compliment but stuck with her screenplay emphasis and drafted the Siberian murder mystery treatment.
He wanted to be a writer and a film maker too.
Later she married one.
but this was about Athens. the magic.
Later, they moved away from Mitchell ave. chuck didn't want to do it, but kristen couldn't resist being right next door to their friends and so close to down town. Their senior year, they moved and disintegrated.
But for a while, Mitchell street was awesome and Chuck admitted she was right. They went to the dollar pizza place all the time. She drank although January-born chuck was so much older than her she had to be cool about sharing his beer.
It was at the pizza place that Chuck gave her the second compliment. The first had been that the song "can't hardly wait" reminded him of starting with me. But today, it was summer in Athens. or almost and we were at our usual spot.
She was walking back to the table from somewhere, and he says,
"here comes my girl. you remind me of that tom petty song."
"oh, I don't know that one. how does it go."
later, she hears it, and she feels valued almost loved.
Chuck was the reason she had "take a load of Annie. take a load for free...." in her playlist. He loved the band. He was also associated with Fleetwood Mac always - the good songs.
She had been on the way back from Athens or away and him asleep in the passenger seat, "but I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you. but time makes you bolder even children get older, and I'm getting older too. take this love. take it down. climbed a mountain and I turn around...."
She lost it.
but earlier, we had grooved hard to an album he checked out of the library "second hand news" really got her
Later in Wilmington.
"what are you and Steven doing in Atlanta? nothing but nothing. come here. you can at least do it in an awesome place with your friends. come."
This was before cellphones. It was the early 90s
they came.
Wilmington rocked, because
we were from Athens....
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