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The cat whose balls I cut off jumped on the desk and played a song by pawing the keyboard. It's the Beatles "I'm Down".
You never liked the Beatles.
that was snobby.
but of course I respected it. I'm also a snob, but you never noticed.
"how can you laugh when you know I'm down".
I skipped it to "Angie" covered by Tori Amos. It's hard to find this song if you don't own it, and I love singing to it.
You'd never know because you never knew anything about me.
"with no lovin' in our soul and no money in our clothes..."
you left me.
tiny birds flit on my lawn "my" lawn.
migrating.
I say I loved you like I've never loved anyone.
I think it's true.
"oh Angie.
I still love you baby.
everywhere I look I see your eyes."
I cried today for the first time in a few.
it was because a father died of colon cancer
and he had loved his girls.
loved them enough to be enamored with Taylor swift.
I just had a mother.
a mother that taught me I had to
seek a man.
I don't know what it's like to be comfortable and loved by a father figure.
as I say ad
nauseum
mine were all
so
fucking
conditional
and the real one was a
fucking
monster.
We once talked about fathers who died early, and it likely sounded fucking callous when I said "at least they had a father who loved them - not that they would know to be grateful for that thank god."
did you know?
yellow dust blankets everything here in the south.
it was a tornado warning.
pollen is sperm.
this morning before the light came up.
I used to stop cars with my ass.
now, I wait in hibernation.
it's ridiculous.
and I do it to myself
"Cupid's trick" comes up, and again I think about the man who stabbed himself twice in the heart.
I get it.
but I still want to dream
man.
time for some more incense.
this house smells like funk.
several people don't know that ancient Egypt fought a war for incense like we now fight for oil. I'm not one of them.
of course.
the song?
I can't understand the words except for this:
"it's my life."
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