|
how grateful am I for this portal where I'm never read as I let the orange cat in to stop pestering me and he eats the cat food that I'll leave out b4 I go.
My last meal will be Greek. How great. If only I have the courage like both sons of Eugene O'Neill and Gianni agnelli. I worry that I'll flub it and keep bothering people with my open loop of nothing.
I texted the last man I loved "I was just a shoddy placeholder". He didn't answer because what is there to say to such a thing.
Perhaps tonight I'll watch something and laugh at myself for being such a drama queen. I won't know how to plug in the Roku that the guy who broke me gave me on my last xmas, but it will sit boxed on the coffee table gifted to me by my sister in law.
and I loved you so hard.
you were poetry to me. I loved all the things that make me stutter now that I'm at the end. I want to say how I saw you - but it won't matter even in the tiniest bits. How stupid that you're even the one that broke me.
it's all stupid. I've been hanging on since I was ten years old learning that my hero never wanted me on the game board. the time at the beach that I played catch with you? none of it matters anymore. Now, I'll just digest something like a prisoner and look like a vagabond and hope that somehow somewhere someone a slight human with the most ridiculous countenance will have thought it might have been fun to have me on the playing field.
mark, I mention you a lot.
thank you for being someone that makes me think that it was slightly possible that someone could have seen me and loved me.
none of it matters. I was a total selfish dick.
|
