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So in reading Pony's "100 Things" post, I noticed we share the same favorite Star Trek episode. It's not as geeky as it sounds--it's a wonderful story, and is really a tribute to family, community, culture, and oddly, libraries, which are, of course, the repositories of our collective memory. (For the record, I've never been to a Trek convention, nor do I own any action figures or uniforms, although as a kid I had one of those gold v-necked Captain Kirk shirts and a pair of Star Trek communicators/walkie talkies, but this was because my Mom's boyfriend was attempting to buy our affections. Oh, and as an adult, my favorite aspect of a godawful trip to Las Vegas was the Star Trek ride, so judge me as you will.) Anyway, I thought I'd list other commonalities with everyone's favorite robot. Please refer back to her list to reference what the hell I'm writing about.
1. I realize this isn't identical, but ice cream makes me cough uncontrollaby, yet this doesn't stop me from slurping it up.
2. Always three sneezes when the sun first hits me, as I'm a sun-sneezer.
4. Not necessarily an environmental catastrophe, but I believe we'll colonize Mars.
6. Yes, except sometimes the sticker from a banana will stay on my shirt all day before I notice.
7. In grade 4 I was the father in "My Brother Sam is Dead." I wore one of those colonial three-pointed hats.
8. Yes, I do this constantly, although Mrs. FTR pretends to like them, as she is kind.
9. I used to be (in)famous in college for writing poetry about dogs.
17. I have one older sister who adored me, then hated me, then, well, loves me in a sisterly way. Also I have three older half-sisters I've never met. If you know them, tell them I'd be happy to meet them. Plus two younger half-brothers.
19. I never eat fast dogs but enjoy hot food.
21. I'm a food snob, but only because I eat incredibly good meals.
22. I do not know how to drive a big rig.
26. See above. As Pony said, Picard experienced a lifetime--in what to his crew was only a few minutes--he fell in love, married, had friends, children, grandchildren. The probe was a kind of library, the attempt of a long-destroyed world to save some memory of itself. The episode was clever, charming and poignant. (And Picard learned to play the flute!)
27. Of course. But only if the men are wearing khaki shorts with a belt and a tucked-in golf shirt. Otherwise I like trivia. I generally don't like bars that have TVs.
28. Definitely.
33. I often compare myself to other people's varying degrees of success. (I guess I'm comparing myself to Pony with a varying degree of success.) But I try not to compare myself to anybody, except at the moment, I'll compare my shoes to anybody's, as they are truly cool shoes.
34. In middle school, my friends invented a phrase for someone saying something seemingly completely unrelated to the topic at hand. They called it the "Evan Smith Syndrome." I think now, perhaps I was too quick for them.
37. I went through a phase when I put turmeric and curry on everything.
39. I wish I could survive in the woods after the coming apocalypse (see #21).
41. Yep, most always, unless I'm jealous of the poet and/or think he or she's a fraud, then I feel petty and small, but somehow better about myself.
43. If only I could reconfigure the closets or move the filing cabinet closer to my desk, but instead I think I'll buy several of those big, clear, plastic storage boxes, that'll do the trick.
46. Hello Microsoft, it's the Aesthetic Police, we're ticketing you for butt-ugliness.
47. I can't read maps quickly. I think this part of my brain has some damage. Thanks alcohol!
51. Talking politics gives me acid-reflux disorder.
52. I wish this were not true. Hello Syracuse, I knew ye well!
59. And how. Thanks Porto Rico coffee importers conveniently located in downtown Manhattan.
62. My Mom used to remind me how they thought I was retarded when I was child.
65. I was teased as a child until I outgrew them all and they discovered the finer aspects of you better shut the f*ck up. I'm not sure where my confidence or lack thereof came from, but I guess it may have something to do with being told everybody thought I was retarded.
67. I was awarded "worst dressed" in high school. I'm still baffled by this, as my jeans were naturally faded and ripped to hell, with the requisite anarchy symbol on the knee, plus I started that whole Don Johnson thing long before Miami Vice graced the airwaves.
73. Ditto. Although I fully intend to attempt a novel after Hollywood gets through pummeling, er, developing my second script.
74. It was in my early 20s that I learned that I loved I could actually use computers, which reinforced that I was not retarded after all.
75. God yes, just not in NYC.
77. Me too, although I rarely recited poetry, if ever, as I'm a nervous-jervous in those situations.
78. I have something similar.
79. I'm not gonna touch this one, although I was tempted.
82. I wish I had a Mento.
85. I was born in High Point, NC.
86. My Great-Grandmother died during the 1918 flu pandemic. In Patrick County, VA. Although the Spanish Flu killed over 21 million people worldwide in 1918-19, and 675,000 Americans, for some reason, supposedly, her family blamed my Great-Grandfather, (who you may remember as Phyllis.) I'd bet, as a result, people were shot, or shot at. I wish I knew something of her family (Rodgers of Southwest VA, Northwest NC).
92. I have no idea how to behave. Mrs. FTR is very patient.
95. That used to be the case, now it's boxers made from the harvested raw silk of a thousand lotus-eating magical butterfly-worms.
99. God yes, you name it, I have a stain for it, (no, not that, that's sick, stop now please), I'll put the damaged clothes in a corner of my closet, then I forget about it, then I'll wear it. I have to get one of those plastic storage boxes then I'm sure I'll stop that embarrassing practice.
With thanks and apologies to Pony.
-Evan Dalton John Ball Smith Rakoff
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