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Reading is fun

by ericS
Wednesday, August 28, 2002

sorry to hear about the infestation of your Kellogg's product

About a month ago I was at work, staring at the computer screen and opening up a Pop Tart. Not paying attention to the silver packet, I kept looking straight ahead, lifting the toaster pastry to my mouth. I look down for just a second to find the thing infested in living, writhing mealworms.

Equally pissed off and nauseous, I go to Kellogg's website to attempt to get a phone number or email address for filing complaints (I didn't have the box on me). Upon navigating deep into the bowels of their corporate site, I find a "Contact Us" form, which simply lets you type into the form and press send (in the same way you would enter a search query).

So I fucking went nuts. "...trusteed family institution...long-time consumer...insects in my pastry...I expect an apology...[vague threat of lawsuit]...blah, blah, blah." They send me this form email with some long list of numbers and letters in the subject heading. The basic message was, "thanks for your input...we value you as a consumer, etc."

So, of course I'm steaming at this point, and reply, insulting their treatment of a "valued consumer" as simply a number and having no sensitivity to such a fucked up thing as finding worms in your fucking pop tart, and the nerve of sending a fucking sterile form letter.

So then they ask that I call THEM during THEIR office hours (which of course are my work hours), because they need to get some information from me. I refused to call them on my time and told them I'd be happy if they called me at a time that was convenient for me.

These emails went back and forth until they said they would send me a certified mail package with some forms to fill out re: the store I purchased said Pop Tarts, and a return envelope for sending in the box tops. The certified never came. I wrote them back.

They said they sent it and would send again. It never came. I told them I was sick of the shit and wasn't going to ever buy another Kellogg's product again (oooooh) and that I would likely call the Better Business Bureau as well as the "proper health and food institutions" (whatever those may be). Then I added anothere vague lawsuit comment.

Two days later, I recieve a letter (obviously form) in which they said they were "sorry to hear about the infestation of your Kellogg's product" and that they understand what it must be like to "find worms your food [sic]." Enclosed were $30 worth of fucking coupons for Kellogg's food products.

This whole thing was all quite funny and all, but it bugs the shit out of me that a person can just be fucked around like that and that big corporations think they can placate people with product and a form letter.

I don't have an agenda here (maybe I should tell everyone to boycott Kellogg's, but what the hell's that going to do?). I just think it's fucked up.

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