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Turkey Baster
by nate
Thursday, August 22, 2002
a cagey southern gentleman descended from a long line of gentlemen scoundrels
My friend and former co-worker Morton D., is a cagey southern gentleman descended from a long line of gentlemen scoundrels. His family has owned a former plantation property for the last 125 years and shares the distinction of having that property co-named into perpetuity. Mort now owns the plantation and is living up to the name and character forged by his ancestors.
For the first part of his adult career Mort had been a traveling salesman of office furniture. His amiable personality and charm were key assets in what became a very lucrative career for over 20 years. As a salesman it was practically mandatory that he take clients out to bars and restaurants to woo them so he was very savvy in the bar circuit and could charm the pants off most women if given the opportunity.
This story starts and ends in a club in Greensboro, NC called the Rhino club. It's a meat/meet market where cigars are welcome and quality live music is the norm on most evenings.
Mort had just settled into his third scotch and soda when a lovely woman in her early thirties sat down next to him at the bar. She started some small talk and before Mort knew what was going on he had her talking about how she was seeking a sensitive, good-looking man such as himself to be the father of her children.
Mort was flattered and began working his way closer to the woman. She continued to compliment him on his looks and his refined manners when her female lover came up and joined them, openly kissing her partner and giving a serious amount of publicly displayed affection.
Mort again thought he'd hit the jackpot when they both said he was just the man they were looking for. Sadly, he missed out on yet another opportunity to procreate when he blundered, asking them if they intended on creating his progeny the old fashioned way or would they prefer the use of a turkey baster.
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