Let's bilk them
A co-worker is at a conference sponsored by the company that makes a piece of software that we use on our company's website. The conference is supposed to help participants understand and utilize the system better, and our company jumped at the chance to send someone there because we have had major issues with it since day one.
The conference started Tuesday. Today I run into a press release from the software company touting the release of the newest version of their crappy software. Release date: Tuesday.
We get an email from the co-worker saying that the thing is a joke and it's just a big commercial for the newest version.
So, maybe this is how all these conferences work, and that is fine. Whatever.
What I realized is that I need get in on this racket and hit corporate america up for money. I am thinking some glossy brochures with images of happy people working at their computers, and maybe a headline saying, "Your employees spend all day at happyrobot - we can help them maximize their time there".
It's a win-win deal for all of us. Your company sends me 800$ bucks for the 'conference'. They pay for your travel, lodging, and food in NYC, and then we hang out all day... drinking, eating, sight-seeing, watching funny videos, and hassling teens.
This is a draft of my conference schedule - feel free to suggest any ideas...
Happyrobot 2003 Winter Conference
Day 1 - 2/3/2003
9:00am Registration + Orientation
10:00am Opening speech by Rich
11:00am A series of funny video clips produced by Eric Willhelm
12:00pm Bloody Mary Workshop
1:00pm Fried Chicken Workshop hosted by Matt at Live Bait
2:00pm food coma
5:00pm Mixed Drinks hosted by Nate with Slideshow by Rich and EricW
9:00pm Dinner.
10:00pm Birthday cake to celebrate 5 years of happyrobot
11:00pm Bourbon tasting workshop
Day 2 - 2/4/2003
1:00am Jukebox appreciation workshop hosted by Rich at Boat
3:00am Drunken-cell-phone-call workshop hosted by Rich
10:00am Pancake presentation hosted by Matt @ Café LuLu
12:00pm Speech by IT specialists on how to surf net without boss knowing
1:30pm Snack
2:00pm Wine apprecitaion workshop
3:30pm Cheese workshop
4:00pm Snack
4:30pm Buying CDs at Kims workshop hosted by Eric Shepherd
5:30pm Free Time
8:00pm Ride Sky Tram back and fourth between Manhattan and Queens a few times
9:00pm Dinner at Ginger hosted by Taiwai & Rich
11:00pm Drinks and Jazz music at Louis
Day 3 - 2/5/2003
10:00am Eggs and biscuits at Clinton Street Bakery
12:00pm Pony and Horse rides in Central Park
2:00pm Lunch at Old Town Bar
4:00pm Star Wars Holiday Special: What went wrong? Workshop hosted by Eric Willhelm and Rich
5:00pm Entertaining video montage of monkeys, puppies, and kittens.
5:30pm Shoe shopping at Fluevog hosted by Lawton, Matt, and Rich
7:00pm Chartered dinner cruise around manhattan. Food catered by the Jackson Diner, beer fresh from the Brooklyn Brewery. The Merle plays the rock on the upper deck for your rocking pleasure.
11:00pm Fish Chris out of the Hudson River.
11:05pm Fish Chris out of the Hudson River.
11:30pm Matt's performance art production of "Drunken Mooning Lower Manhattan from a boat"
12:00am Boat docks.
Day 4 - 2/6/2003
1:00am Raquel and Ben's Two Noses Dance Party (location to be announced)
3:00am Wacky Weed Workshop - roof of Liz's building. Blankets and hot chocolate included.
4:00am Encore presentation of Matt's performance piece.
4:30am Closing Speech by Rich. Passing out awards. Hugs and kisses.
-the end-
