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I don't often ecrire about Cullen because why would I really. he was something to me for about two weeks of my delusional life, yet what a first/only date it was.
he's the one who taught me that I myself was in/famous in the tiny town
he's the first man I've ever kissed (oh I think I have written this afore - repeate apologie) who was pretty much the same height as me. being the gal in need of a safe/strong father, I'd always gone for the taller.
I'm certain it wasn't set up as a date. it was more of a we were the last people left in a slightly larger group (Sandy) in his house and his kid was at his mom's and we just ended up hanging out the entire afternoon evening night morning. I had been uncomfortable because I had never spent five minutes with him alone before in my life. he had always been the background player in b-reels. I had been the same for him. yet, we must have liked each other because we got along like a house a fire.
I had already loved and broken my marriage (number one) up because of the fucking love I fucking fucking felt for Brian(!) the roommate of Cullen - so that was how we sort of jostled into each other's a-reel. a bit. and I loved bonnie - any human with a pulse did.
so I felt sorrow for Cullen at his loss of her.
I'm sure I would have talked about Brian with him in the beginning, yet for the life of me, I canna really recall what he said. or maybe I played it out of time and just was present and didn't manipulate to go "what the fuck was that - what did you see" for my own edification.
we went to the beach.
he had me look at clouds.
and had me name the things I saw in them...
we bought adult beverages at the scotchman-by-the-sea in Wrightsville beach (is it even still there). we talked like a house a fire.
we were still talking
we had not yet kissed. we were hanging out like platonics.
and it was summer.
of course.
and I was coming back from California on the way to my
massive nervous breakdown
life adjustment
it was nice to take a break from anyone who knew me - I mean of course he knew the myths.
I remember asking him one of the moments that felt most surreal to me where he was present - a time when I showed myself in a rare reveal. I asked him if he saw.
it was on level two of level five and this song by pink came on 'I'm coming out so you better get this party started..." and bonnie, val, and sandy (the best!) were dancing and they pulled me up on floor/stage, and I DANCED. I asked Cullen if he remembered it.
he replied, "oh god yes. you. that was - that was - memorable." and he meant it in a stunning good way. I felt it. truly. and I relaxed and trusted more.
he had a great little house in sunset park and we were on the Side porch by now and we had bought or he had a bottle of whiskey/bourbon and as god is my witness, it's the first time I've ever done this type of thing or rather this thing - where you pass the bottle back and forth and drink. we did this to the moon rise and the bottle was dry.
it was perfect.
when I kissed him, we were standing up, and he was just my size.
I loved him
I do
will you be my be my be my girl... sally
forth
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