Anything salad I won't eat As much as I like the concept of tuna salad or chicken salad or seafood salad, I have always avoided it because of it's inherent "ickiness". Too much mayo, basically. All my life I have avoided _____ salad until today. I am in Connecticut at some sort work-related computer program training class and lunch is served. Somehow, when they took my order that morning, I mistakenly ordered a chicken salad wrap. I think I just saw the word "chicken" and was like, "bring it on". Well, chicken salad wrap brung it. Brung it on my tummy like a muddafcker. Oh well.
Snowy Goodness This morning as I was riding the train up to cracky-net-icut, we had some snow flurries that covered everything real pretty like. Like sugar. Like, imagine Christo is doing some installment art project and he covers Connecticut in powered sugar. That's what it looked like, except it was snow and didn't cause the squirrels and birds to pass out from a sugar overdose. That would be a mess. I can see Fox5 news covering it now: "Tonight - woodland animals suddenly have the highest rate of diabetes in the tri-state area - we'll tell you why at ten".
I hate TV News I hate their bait and switch tatics. I mean, that is all TV news is today. Either doing the bait and switch with outlandish stories or scaring the hell out of whitey with paranoid news stories.
"We will scare you with vague facts during our commercials in hope that you will be so petrified with fear and/or anxiety you will watch our 23 minute commercial news program - we'll tell you why at ten"
Kentucky Fried Movie had those hilarious little news segments throughout the movie: "The popcorn you are eating has been pissed in - details at eleven." What a fine movie that is.
Diabetes My little brother ("El Funny Guy") is a diabetic. It was kind of scary when he was diagnosed. He was in the 5th grade and had been acting all wonkey. And he was looking different - not "growing up" different, but "you don't look so well" different. You can see it in his school photos. He would be like 2nd grade: cute 3rd grade: cute 4th grade: cute 5th grade: WTF?! 6th grade: back to cute
His wife reads the robot journal sometimes (Hi Suzy!) and I suspect she will now call my brother at work and say something like, "Your brother just called you cute".
Oh, but the point? Diabetes ain't no joke. He had some sort of wacky reaction one night and they ran him to the emergency room and he was diagnosed with diabetes that night. I don't really know what happened because I was at an 8th grade party playing Truth or Dare and someone had just dared Candy (her real name) to kiss me. On the mouth. Candy was a nice girl who also wore tasteful mini-skirts and was becoming a young lady (and her name was Candy). So, that particular night was rocking for me when I walked in the house with Candy's phone number in my pocket and a suggestion to hang out this summer. My parents are there, or maybe only one of them, or maybe them and my brother - I forget. But, pops is all like, "your brother just got out of the emergency room - he was diagnosed as diabetic". Cue record needle being scratched off my teen making out record.
Bottom line? Well, to my brother, I want to say: the night you were diagnosed as diabetic was the same night I kissed a girl named Candy.
"Albanian investment bank" "handsome weenies" "strangest medicine" "19th century goggles"
