10 things
1. What we call "pants" in the states, is what the UK folks call underpants. Their pants are called "trousers" of course, but if you make a joke about "pants" (can you believe I would do that?) at 3am in a room full of drunken english folks, it can have hilarious consequences.

2. You can drive a straight-drive car (aka one with a "stick") fine. Eventually. I can't drive it that well when I am sleep deprived, in a foreign country, lost, in a rainstorm, driving on the other side of the road, and no one can figure out how to get it in reverse (pull on the little ring under the ball thing) (*snicker*).
This is my public apology to our Vauxhaul Vectra's clutch. I am sorry.
It wasn't your fault.

3. Water pressure? Huh?

4. As much as I love staying in Bed & Breakfasts, we are always the youngest people there by like 40 years. WTF. It was cheaper to stay in the B&B, and it was much more cooler.
But, yea, we were like the youngest people there.

5. If the father of the groom hands you a Cuban cigar, well, that is just pretty cool.

6. Castles? Neat.

7. International flights don't give you free drinks anymore.

8. Tastings of single malt whiskeys? Fun.

9. Scotland? Lovely when it wasn't raining.

10. I like those little TV screen things that are built into the seats that they now have on the bigger planes. I watched Old School (with former naked baby, Daily Show guy, and brooklynite Rob Courdry), Down with Love, and X2. Makes time go a bit faster.

Holiday Part One
So, right.
We are back from holiday. Holiday was fun.

Our flight over left at 8pm, and you know, you are supposed to sleep. I tried, but those seats are so un-sleep worthy and they have all those goofy things to watch on your little TV screen thing-a-ma-jig.

We arrived in Manchester at the same time as the other flight that had about 20 people on it who were also going to our pal Jeff's wedding. It was fun to see everyone even though we were all bleary eyed and zonked out.

I went to the friendly car rental place and they issued me an auto and we packed it up with our stuff and give Jeff's brother Brian and his girlfriend a ride up to the little town where the wedding is (Lancaster).

getting there is half the fun
We zoom out of the airport - subsequently getting lost, rained on, and trying to figure out all the little traffic rules (American roads are, for better or for worse, marked for retards with their spelling of everything out).
At this point, I began to use profanity frequently. Phrases such as:

"Where the f*ck is reverse in this thing?"
"GodDammit where is 3rd?"
"Jesus F*ck why won't the blinker turn off!"
"That exit? We just passed that f*cking exit!"
"What damn lane am I supposed to be in?!"

(note to self: send apology out to other occupants of car)

We got to Lancaster. Finally. I won't mention the almost disastrous parking garage incident.

Oh, this is funny. We get to the hotel and there is nowhere to park out front. In fact there is nowhere to park anywhere in like a 5000 mile radius.
Brian (or is it Bryan?) volunteers to jump out of the car and run into the hotel to inquire about where their fangled parking lot is - we will circle the block while he finds out.
He runs in, gets the information, and comes back outside. He spots a car in the front of the hotel that is the same color and general style of ours and just hops in the backseat.
An old lady turns around and says, "What do you think you are doing?!"

We walk into the hotel and of course since it's still like 10am, our rooms aren't ready, so we find a pub nearby for some beers and food (combined with a our lack of sleep, this makes us one step away from "zombie").

The rest of the day goes well after we finally get our rooms and take naps. Jeff's parents throw a big rehearsal dinner that night where I somehow find myself in charge of drinking a whole bottle of wine.
Lancaster is a charming town, and all was lovely. The bride's globe trotting friends were all super nice.

people get married
The next day is the wedding, which is held at this lovely castle/house/estate place. You couldn't imagine a more beautiful location. They had hired a few coaches to drive everyone over, and as we came around the corner the land stretched in front of us framing this castle - people gasped and ooh'd and ahh'd.
(as seen here: leightonhall.co.uk )
As it sometimes happens at weddings, right about the time we arrived, the weather changed into a gorgeous sunny day. The sun streamed into the room where the ceremony took place and Jeff and Claire both looked handsomely pretty. Or prettily handsome. Or beautifully pretty.

Did I mention Jeff's Gucci boots he was wearing? This was the first wedding where the bride and groom tried to out-do each other in what they wore.
Both looked smashing, though.

They got married and smooched in front of everyone.
All was good.
The reception was quite nice and seemed to last all night (not a bad thing). Dinner was smashing, people toasted the new couple, a jazz band played, and all was right in the world.

Mrs. Robot and her ability to attract odd comments
We are eating our dessert, and Mrs. Robot is stealing a piece of my Sticky Toffee Pudding (my new favorite dessert) and the minister guy walks by.
He had been, I believe, drinking.
He looks at Mrs. Robot and exclaims, "you look like a donkey eating strawberries".

Hello? WTF? We asked everyone there.
No one had a clue what that meant.

"So, we've got Uday and Qusay. Now, how about the eapons-way of ass-may estruction-day?"

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incommunicado. now. holiday part two - scotland

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