Shout out to drunk guy last Sunday afternoon Dude, you were so drunk. You had your khakis and your blue shirt... cigarette... open bottle of Bud and you were stumbling down the street. People were getting the hell out of your way. Now, what I want to know is this: Where did you get that black eye?! I bet there was a great story there.
You know, I did feel bad for you - a bit. You obviously needed to go home and you were poking madly at your cell phone. Would no one come pick you up? Did you have any idea where you were?
How did you get so drunk and messed up by 2pm? Did you even go to bed Saturday night? My money is that you didn't. Well, hope you are feeling better, you white-ass drunk bastard.
Shout out to the freaky toddlers from Yemen Dude, you are the cutest little girls I have ever seen - but then I hear a rumor that you put your cat in the microwave. What the hell is up with that? And then there is the late night screaming - it sounds like you are being murdered every night. So, you have this nice, sweet public persona but you are really demons from hell, eh?
Shout out to the homeless lady on the corner Sorry, but I am never giving you change. See, I think your boyfriend or whoever that guy is that hangs out with you and is always taking your change is a bastard. Bastard! He can go to hell as far as I am concerned.
Shout out to the Honkey Cracker just seen on the robot chat:
Q: why did the pirate get carpal tunnel syndrome?
A: he didn't have one of those aarrrhgonomic keyboards
Shout out to the 5th Verizon technician Dude, you totally came to my house and hooked me up with a working phone line, and for that, I raise my office desk water bottle to you. On the other hand, we both need to bitch slap the first tech that came out and screwed the whole thing up in the first place. I should of known better - the first tech was awfully talkie. He showed me all the wires and what they did. Real talkative and knowledgable. But he was a chump. Thanks for being the only tech who knew how to fix what four other guys couldn't.
Shout out to Grover Dude, I saw you on TV last night - goofy, sappy Elmo was the center of attention, but you were there not feeling threatened by his youth and better PR department because you are f*cking Grover. Grover has nothing to prove. Grover is the original Sesame purple pimp daddy.
