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In-law Questionnaire:
Questions for Matt Johnson:

When you were a little boy, did you ever put a sheet on your head and march down the hallway, pretending to be a bride?

Will there be whiskey sours at your wedding?

Are there any subjects I should not bring up in front of your family?

Are you going to wear white?

Is there an eccentric family member I can look forward to meeting?

Are you saving it for the wedding night?

I know you and Jackie have a non-denominational household, but seeing as you are marrying a Heeb, I need to feel a few things out.

I am going to do a bit of word association here, so bear with me and try to be honest. What comes to mind when I say the following words?


When you are leaving a Jewish person's home, you:
a) Thank them for a lovely meal and take the ziplock bags of leftovers
b) Stand at the door with your coat on for another 25 minutes, talking with your hosts
c) Write down the recipe for the tasteless brisket that will probably pass through your colon some time in February.
d) All of the above

a) Channukkha
b) Hanukkah
c) Chanucka
d) any of the above

I know you have no immediate plans to move to Canada, but now that it is a possibility, I need to test you on your Canadiana:

When someone bumps into you on the street in Canada you:
a) glare at them icily
b) check your pocket for your wallet
c) ignore it as a symptom of city living
d) apologize

Our National Animal is:
a) The Nutritious Turkey
b) The Mighty Beaver
c) The Canadian Goose
d) Finnegan from Mr. Dressup

Canadian, Jewish, Dead or Overrated? (you can assign more than one label here)

Bob Dylan
Mike Myers
Jim Carrey
Celine Dion
Kirk Douglas
Ryan Adams
Sammy Davis Jr
Jerry Springer
Wesley Clark
My uncle Bob

If Jackie is in a bad mood:
a) She is probably hungry
b) It is her "woman" time
c) She is overtired
d) You have obviously done something to displease her and a preemptive apology is in order.

What should I wear as bridesmaid?

A loonie is:
a) any given member of our family
b) Canadian Currency
c) a pet name for a the Loon
d) all of the above

No help from the audience, please.

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