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Pony: Matt Johnson's in-law questionnaire: the answers
10.29.2003
Questions for Matt Johnson:
When you were a little boy, did you ever put a sheet on your head and march down the hallway, pretending to be a bride?
no, i'm saving that for my wedding night.
Will there be whiskey sours at your wedding?
most certainly
Are there any subjects I should not bring up in front of your family?
many, but especially that time i made out with tim.
Are you going to wear white?
some.
Is there an eccentric family member I can look forward to meeting?
many.
Are you saving it for the wedding night?
i'm actually saving "it" for the 10th anniversary. then i know it will be special, and that jackie isn't just trying to "get some".
I know you and Jackie have a non-denominational household, but seeing as you are marrying a Heeb, I need to feel a few things out.
I am going to do a bit of word association here, so bear with me and try to be honest. What comes to mind when I say the following words?
-bris
ouch
-kishke
hunh?
-ballabusta
pat
-knish
yummy
When you are leaving a Jewish person's home, you:
a) Thank them for a lovely meal and take the ziplock bags of leftovers
b) Stand at the door with your coat on for another 25 minutes, talking with your hosts
c) Write down the recipe for the tasteless brisket that will probably pass through your colon some time in February.
d) All of the above
d
a) Channukkha
b) Hanukkah
c) Chanucka
d) any of the above
d, but my preference is for b
I know you have no immediate plans to move to Canada, but now that it is a possibility, I need to test you on your Canadiana:
When someone bumps into you on the street in Canada you:
a) glare at them icily
b) check your pocket for your wallet
c) ignore it as a symptom of city living
d) apologize
d
Our National Animal is:
a) The Nutritious Turkey
b) The Mighty Beaver
c) The Canadian Goose
d) Finnegan from Mr. Dressup
b
Canadian, Jewish, Dead or Overrated? (you can assign more than one label here)
Bob Dylan jewish
Mike Myers canadian, overrated
Jim Carrey overrated, canadian
Celine Dion canadian
Kirk Douglas jewish
Ryan Adams overrated
Sammy Davis Jr dead, jewish
Jerry Springer jewish, overrated
Wesley Clark overrated
My uncle Bob canadian*
*Uncle Bob was both Canadian and Jewish, but most famous for announcing to the family that his gay son had "come out of the cupboard". Uncle Bob is now dead. Let's show some respect.
If Jackie is in a bad mood:
a) She is probably hungry
b) It is her "woman" time
c) She is overtired
d) You have obviously done something to displease her and a preemptive apology is in order.
any of the above, but often c
What should I wear as bridesmaid?
i am the wrong person to ask.
A loonie is:
a) any given member of our family
b) Canadian Currency
c) a pet name for a the Loon
d) all of the above
ha, d!
Thank you, Magic Matt, Quizmaster and Honorary CanHeeb, I take off my hat to your powers and knowledge. Seriously: no thoughts on the dress, eh?
Since I added the bonus question a short time after my last post, I will repeat it again and open it up to the audience to guess:
