If cancer were a person
Cancer would drive in his big SUV down the interstate, tailgating people in the right line, not keeping any sort of stable speed, and honking at people (honking!) when they are going to slow for big SUV's taste.

Cancer would pee on the seat.

Cancer would constantly use the Reply-All button when responding to emails.

As child, cancer would of sprayed WD40 on the bicycle tire rims of a neighborhood kid thereby making his brakes not work.

Cancer would travel with a pack of unruly teens that'd be hassling squares (and/or Stu).

Cancer wouldn't think its fun to go look at miniature donkeys in a field.

Cancer would be in the airport terminal cursing loudly and whistling at pretty women as they walk by. In the airport.
Whistling and saying, "yea baby".
And Cancer's two lady friends would find this charming for some damn reason.
In the Delta Air terminal. In Greensboro, NC.

Cancer wouldn't clean up after his dog.

Cancer would stand in front of my building and pee on the curb and act as if there is nothing odd about that

Cancer would shoot their friend in the face with a shotgun.

Cancer would have a puppy but would be a real jerk to it.

Cancer would think Comic Sans is a cool font.

Cancer would call me 15 times over the course of two days with really stupid questions.

Cancer wouldn't find it fun to play hide-and-seek with either children or cats or old people.

Cancer. You are stupid.

In other news
Spring has sprung!
At least in North Carolina.
Cherry Tree in bloom

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