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this guy who looks like Charles Bronson
by adam broomfield
Saturday, August 17, 2002
First off, Charles isn't his real name, it's Mickey
So, I don't think I ever told you about my friend Tim's stepfather, Charles.
First off, Charles isn't his real name, it's Mickey. The first time I went to Tim's house back in high school, I mentioned to him that his stepfather looked like Charles Bronson. Tim then announced what I said to the whole family, and to this day, they refer to him as Charles. Even his wife, even when I'm not around.
Charles once slipped while shaving and managed to take half of his mustache clean off. Instead of shaving off the other side, he just left it while the shaven side grew back.
Charles doesn't pronounce his 'R's. Sort of like a boston accent, but more gruff.
Tim's younger brother sometimes takes care of the neighbor's dog Arthur, a Lasso-Atzo (sp?). Charles absolutely hates the dog because it's ugly. He refers to it consistently as "Fuckin' Aw-thu" When I call to talk to Tim, and Charles answers the phone, I'll say "How's it going Charles?" and he'll say "Terrible, Fuckin Aw-thu's hea! [here]" As a gesture of appreciation, the neighbors had a mug made with a picture of Fuckin Au-thu on it which Charles refuses to drink from, and goes as far as to hide it in the back of the cupboard so he doesn't have to look at it.
Charles served in Viet-Nam. When I told him that one of my co-workers is Viet-Namese, he responded "Hope he knows the war's ovuh!"
He drinks O'Doul's all the time, but only half the bottle. The fridge is full of O'Doul's, as well as a separate fridge out in the shed, and there are half empty O'Doul's bottles all over the house.
He got a deal on his truck, a silver Chevy pickup, because for some reason it doesn't have any emblems or chrome on it even though he bought it new.
Charles once had some sort of medical condition that required him to where a catheter complete with strap on piss bag for a few weeks. He is a carpenter, and the story goes that he was at the job site cutting 2x4's when a co-worker came up to ask him about it. His response: "I love it...I'm pissin right now" and went on cutting 2X4's.
One time, I brought my dog over to tim's house. Charles pulled in in his truck, and she didn't recognize him and stood outside the truck barking and growling. Charles was afraid to get out, so he just sat in his truck saying "Fuck you" to her.
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