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The Stories...
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Love Stinks. Sometimes we get dumped.
: submit your own
She Came in Through the Balcony Window
by Chris
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Okay, robot-people. I’m takin’ one on the chin here. I guess this kinda makes me out of to be a jerk, but please keep one thing in mind: I was between 20 and 21 years old when this all took place. Years ago. Ancient history. Sometimes, especially in the free-love college era, we do crazy things.
So here goes. We’ll start off with a little bit of background. See, I dated this girl towards the end of my junior year -- we’ll call her “Becky” -- and Becky was great and all. Super cute. I really had a thing for her. We dated for a few months, but hey, you know, she didn’t have a thing for me. That’s OK. Crap happens. Kinda ruined my summer. But what can you do?
Then senior year rolls around. And Becky’s roommate -- oh, for lack of a better name we’ll call her “Troll” – is in a bunch of my classes. Next thing you know, we start hanging out. And then the NEXT thing you know, wham. We’re going out. That’s right, boys and girls. I pulled the ol’ roommate switch. Sort of. I know. It’s dirty. It’s wrong. It’s borderline psychotic. But I did it anyways. So sue me. (For some reason, Becky wasn’t thrilled about this. I don’t know why, seeing as SHE dumped ME, but hey. I guess it seems a bit strange.)
I date Troll for about a month, and then it hits me: I’m not really attracted to her. In fact, I’m not attracted to her in the slightest. I don’t know what’s been going on for the past month – I mean, I thought I liked her – but perhaps, just deep down inside some dark, scary corner of my psyche, I just wanted to go out with Troll because she was Becky’s roommate. Scary, I know. I cringe thinking about it.
Of course, this is now the end of November, and I can’t stand being around Troll. Troll is clingy. Troll is everywhere. Around every corner. On the other end of every ringing phone. I can’t get away. So I have to end it. I have to break up with her.
I remember thinking “this isn’t going to be easy. This is going to suck. She is going to blow up.” But I had to do it. And do it I did. It was bad. It was tough. There were lots of tears and I think some blood. I was called every name in the book. And, with some of those names, she was dead on correct.
Soon enough, it was over. There! I had broken up with her. Not so bad, right? I could go home, get some sleep, and dream of other women. In peace. Without feeling guilty. Yay for me.
Well, I thought I broke up with her. I mean I even used the sentence “I’m breaking up with you.” Usually, when you say that, that means you’re breaking up with a person. That’s pretty clear, right? Directly stated?
Apparently, it wasn’t clear enough. After a week or two, Troll started calling again. She started saying things like “Why don’t you ever call or hang out? It’s like we’re not even going out anymore!”
Ummm… hello?
When all way said and done, I had to break up with Troll three times. Even then I’d still endure the occasional 4-AM-On-Saturday-Night/Sunday-Morning drunken phone calls telling me how awful I am. I hated those. There’s nothing like being woken up at 4 AM and being told how horrible you are.
So months pass… that all happened by the very beginning of December. We all went home for Christmas and came back around mid-January. I had been cast in a play, and rehearsals had started. One evening I bumped into this other girl – oh, we’ll call her, oh… “Ginger”. Why not? Ginger’s as good as any name. Now, see, Ginger here was very good friends with both Becky AND Troll… And Ginger, well, she invited me to a party later that night. (WINK WINK!) Which is odd, because you’d think that she’d despise me, being a friend of both of theirs and all.
Of course, I go to said party with Ginger. Now, Ginger’s gorgeous. And six-foot-four. Go figure. Unbelievable. Unbelievably gorgeous. And we’re hangin’ out at the party. Just hangin’ out, talking out on the balcony. People leave it… and then Ginger says, “Would you mind if I kissed you?”
I said, “Yeah. Sure. That would be okay.” So we started kissing. And stuff. And more. We started losing track of time. Everyone else was inside. We were outside. That’s OK. We’re just doing our thing. But geez, if anyone ever found out, they’d have a fit. Especially Troll!
“Well, whatever” I thought to myself. “I have broken up with Troll. It doesn’t matter. I can do whatever I want.” Yada yada yada. I continued doing as I had been doing.
There’s a little bit of commotion inside. Sounds like somebody new has come to the party. But hey, whatever. We’ll introduce ourselves later. We’re a little busy right now.
So, this new person or whoever makes their way over to the window… and I hear an all too familiar voice say, “Hey, is anybody…”
Troll pops her head through the window onto the balcony. Then runs away very fast. Very very fast. Whoops!
And that’s how Troll finally got the message that we had broken up.
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