:: part 3 ::

Robert Frost

Class of 2000

:: part 2 ::

Update: Post-Traumatic Dating Disorder (PTDD)

The Republican

The Deceiver

The Absolute Worst Date Ever

Mr. Migraine

Little Side Burn Guy

The Hanger On


Smelly Cat

:: part 1 ::

No Socks Guy

The Shrub



the yogi

Mr. Playoffs

the dodge

the yawner


the wedding guy

The 40 Year-old Orthopedic Surgeon


Philosophy Guy

Spanking the Yogi

  :: robert frost ::
He was the cutest trainer at my gym, and ALWAYS friendly to me. Of course I assumed that this was his scam. All the trainers are friendly cuz yo, they want your money, yo. They must work on commission, poor suckers. But this adorable trainer persisted in checking me out. Let me take a moment to clarify my definition of adorable. This guy was SO cute, he made me want to buy hair products. Humectant, Confixor, Hair Food, Jheri Curl, you name it. Finally one day when I was stretching on the mats he came over to me and said hi. I nearly popped a hamstring. We talked for a little, I tend to blather incoherently when attempting to communicate with someone I am attracted to, and blather did I! Finally, after 5 minutes of the longest nonsensical conversation I have ever maintained he said the magic words, Why dont you leave your number in my box?

Needless to say, I ran downstairs to stick my number in his box in a metaphoric gender reversal of sorts. And a few days later we had a post-work-out date. Hot damn.

We go to a diner and sit in a booth. We talk about ourselves and our backgrounds and he finds out I am a bit of a half-breed. He pulls out this zinger, Ive always been attracted to exotic girls.. Hmm. Now does that mean exotic dancers? Different girls? United Colors of Benneton Rainbow Coalition chicks? Im not sure how to take this, but I am feeling about 8% put off. Further down the conversation line it comes out that I am an actress and he is a personal trainer who is considering going pre-med. Regarding his career change, he proceeds to quote the poem we all memorized in the 4th grade - I took the road less traveled by

I was like, what is this? I am an actress and he wants to be a doctor and he is telling me he is standing where 2 roads diverge in a yellow wood?

I left a message that week on his machine saying that I had a family emergency and would be out of commission. I avoided the gym and his calls for a month. This was worth at least 40 points of bad dating karma. And believe me, it swung back around like a boomerang.

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